Page 395 - The Social Animal

Liking, Loving, and Interpersonal Sensitivity 377

tive. In short, when the male partner thought he was talking to an
attractive woman, he spoke to her in a way that brought out her best
qualities. When these independent observers listened to her conver-
sation, they rated her as more attractive, more confident, more ani-
mated, and warmer than the woman whose partner thought her to
be less beautiful.Thus, attractive people may come to think of them-
selves as good or lovable because they are continually treated that
way. Conversely, homely people may begin to think of themselves as
bad or unlovable because they are continually treated that way, even
as children. Ultimately, people may begin to behave in a way that is
consistent with this self-concept, a way that is consistent with how
they were treated to begin with.
Please note that, for the most part, our discussion of beauty has
focused on visual beauty. Our visual perceptual mechanisms exercise
a terribly conservative influence on our feelings and behavior—and
the way we determine general attractiveness. But there are other
kinds of beauty. In the 1960s and 1970s, when sensitivity-training
groups were at the height of their popularity, a great many people
volunteered to engage in nonvisual sensory experiences. For example,
in one group that I led, 50 people were blindfolded and invited to
wander around the room and become acquainted with each other
solely through the sense of touch and by talking to one another. After
participating in one of these exercises, group members typically re-
ported a dramatic diminution of their prior stereotypes. Basically,
you can’t think of other people as being “homely” if you can’t see
them. Moreover, when participants subsequently opened their eyes,
they were frequently astonished to learn that, for example, the funny-
looking guy with the big nose and pimples standing in front of them
was the very same person who, five minutes ago (when their eyes
were closed) had impressed them as an incredibly warm, gentle, sen-
sitive, charming human being. It is an experience that many of the
participants never forgot.

Similarity and Attraction

Lynne goes to a party and is introduced to Suzanne. While they chat
for only a few moments, it turns out that they agree completely in
their feelings about George Bush, George Clooney, George Eliot,