Page 399 - The Social Animal

Liking, Loving, and Interpersonal Sensitivity 381

performed well on the test) showed more romantic interest toward
the “attractive” woman; those induced to feel insecure showed more
romantic interest toward the “unattractive” woman.
The Kiesler/Baral experiment suggests that most people fear re-
jection. They do, and for good reason. As we saw in Chapter 6, re-
jection produces an increase in aggression and was almost certainly
one of the root causes of the Columbine High School shootings.
Moreover, in a striking series of experiments, Roy Baumeister and his
associates demonstrated that rejection can be disruptive in a number
of different ways. In one experiment, college students took a per-
51
sonality test and were given bogus feedback about their scores. By
random assignment, some received the good news that their person-
ality would lead them to be liked by others in the future. Others re-
ceived the bad news that they would probably end up lonely because
they had personalities that would lead them to be rejected in the fu-
ture. A third group received bad news, as well, but of a different sort.
They were told that they had the kind of personalities associated
with being accident-prone, and thus they should anticipate a future
of broken bones and hospital visits.Then all the students took a stan-
dard IQ test. The results provide a cautionary warning to students—
keep your love life and your academic life separate! The young men
and women who were led to anticipate future social rejection scored
significantly lower on the IQ test than those in the other two condi-
tions. This experiment demonstrates that, to social animals, even the
anticipation of rejection can have a major impact on intellectual per-
formance. In similar experiments, Baumeister and his associates
found that when people anticipate social rejection, they are also more
likely to choose unhealthy over healthy food (loading up on the
Oreos!), procrastinate, and make impulsive, unwise decisions. 52

The Gain and Loss of Esteem

We have seen that being liked by a person increases the likelihood
that we will like him or her. Let us take a closer look at this relation-
ship. Imagine that, at a party, you meet a woman for the first time
and have an animated conversation with her. After a while, you ex-
cuse yourself to refill your glass. You return and find her back to you,
deep in conversation with another person—and she’s talking about