Page 24 - Jewish News_February-2021

24A February 2021 COMMUNITY FOCUS

Aging Jewishly – What our traditions teach us about growing old A new path for people with disabilities

Elderly, oldster or senior – What do older people ynne Merriam has been a

prefer to be called? Labled community ever since her
staunch supporter of the dis-

By Rabbi Barbara Aiello son was born.
Merriam is a Jewish National
he supermarket checkout line disabilities were called ‘crippled’ or preferred descriptors. Frank J. observes that, “When we Fund-USA (JNF-USA) World Chair-
was long and social distancing ‘handicapped.’ The image those words Interestingly, even the term ‘senior ‘oldsters’ get together we call each oth- man’s Council member and the pres-
Tmade it seem longer. As Doro- portrayed was a negative one. Persons citizen’ has fallen out of favor with er ‘geezer,’ ‘codger’ and ‘old coot.’ But ident of JNF-USA in North Florida.
thea and her granddaughter Lisa moved with differences lobbied hard for terms some. Susan Jacoby, the author of Nev- we don’t want younger people calling Her son, Rod Keskiner, was critically
forward, the young man ahead of them that focused on the positive – on the in- er Say Die: The Myth and Marketing us those names. I guess we’re like all injured at birth and diagnosed with ce-
turned abruptly dividual; terms that didn’t lump them of the New Old Age, takes issue, sur- the other groups. We say stuff to each rebral palsy. He is non-speaking and
and left the line. together in a group. That’s how we got prisingly, with the term ‘senior’ to de- other that we wouldn’t want others to writes only with great difficulty, but
When Lisa away from ‘handicapped’ and began scribe older adults. Quoted in a recent say to us.” still surmounted all of his deficits and
called out to to use ‘person with a disability or dif- article in The Atlantic, Jacoby says, Larry K., who will be 99 in July, graduated from college.
him, “Hey mis- ference.’ I wish we’d do the same for “The word ‘senior’ is one of the most takes a practical approach. “Doctors, Keskiner was also a member of
ter, you’re next,” older people.” common euphemisms for old people, nurses and caregivers should ask us JNF-USA’s affiliate, Special in Uni-
the man sneered Dorothea isn’t alone. In a recent and happens to be the one I hate the how we like to be called and then pro- form, and was an honorary inductee
and responded, AARP publication, an article titled, most.” Jacoby goes on to say, “Imag- ceed with caution.” Larry says, “Don’t into the Israel Defense Forces (IDF).
“You can stand “Who You Calling ‘Young Lady’?” ine if a newspaper called young voters go using words you don’t understand. Special in Uniform, a program unique
there and wait (February 2, 2018), authors Amanda ‘juniors’ instead of ‘young voters.’” There’s a Yiddish word, ‘altakaker,’
Rabbi Barbara Aiello for ‘Gramps’ to Duarte and Mike Albo tackle what they She reminds us that the term ‘senior that is offensive. I won’t define it. Just
count out his pennies. I’m finding an- term ‘ageist language,’ and emphasize citizen’ can be inaccurate in that “not take my advice and don’t say it.”
other line.” that pejorative and patronizing terms every older resident of the U.S. is an Authors Duarte and Albo seem to
As Lisa watched her grandmother’s that describe older adults are harmful, American citizen.” agree with Larry when they emphasize,
smile become a frown, she said to her hurtful and should not be used. In that same Atlantic article (Jan- “Except for a few incredibly insensi-
grandmother, “How disrespectful, call- Like what? Gerontology special- uary 2020), author Joe Pinsker poses tive jerks, most of us are increasingly
ing that old guy ‘Gramps.’” Dorothea ists and professionals who work with the question in the title, “When Does careful to avoid using hurtful language
nodded. “‘Old Guy’ isn’t such a good older adults explain that terms like Someone Become ‘Old’?” Pinsker toward people different from us.”
choice either.” Lisa acquiesced. “Well, ‘over the hill,’ ‘feisty,’ ‘Blue-Hairs,’ found that, “It’s surprisingly hard to Or as Lisa remarked to her grand-
Grandma, if ‘Gramps’ and ‘Old Guy’ ‘Gramps’ and even ‘the elderly’ are de- find a good term for people in late life.” mother after the incident in the check-
are wrong, what’s the right way to talk meaning. And older adults report that So let’s ask the experts – seniors out line, “Sticks and stones can break
about older people. What’s the right when they are addressed as ‘Sweetie’ themselves. What do older adults in my bones, but names can really hurt
thing to say?” or ‘Honey’ and told that they are ‘ador- our own community think and feel me,” – an admonishment that holds
Lisa’s question is a timely one, es- able’ or ‘cute,’ they feel as though they about how they are described and ad- true not only in the schoolyard but at
pecially in our politically correct world are being treated like children. dressed? the ‘senior’ center, too. Authors Duarte
where the way someone is described AJAS, the Association for Jew- Michael R., a man in his 70s, says, and Albo also key in on an important JNF-USA World Chairman’s Council Member Lynne Merriam plants a tree in Israel
with members of Special in Uniform (photo courtesy of JNF-USA)
can lead to upset, hurt feelings or mis- ish Aging Services, uses the term “I prefer ‘old person.’ It’s short, sweet issue when they ask, “Why eliminate to Israel although currently being rep-
understanding. ‘aging population,’ while most ac- and that’s what we are.” Josie C., who hurtful language? The answer is sim- licated in the U.S., enables people with
Having been a special education ademic journals and The New York just turned 70, votes for ‘mature per- ple. Because it hurts.” physical and mental disabilities to
teacher, Dorothea had direct experi- Times’ stylebook caution against us- son,’ and advises that how one prefers Rabbi Barbara Aiello served the Avi- serve and volunteer in the IDF.
ence with negative stereotypes. She ex- ing ‘the elderly’ and instead advise to be addressed is related to “a person’s va Campus for Senior Life as resident “He had an induction in Israel
plained that, “Years ago, persons with that ‘older adults’ and ‘seniors’ are the own view of their place in life.” rabbi for 10 years. She now lives and and he has a uniform,” Merriam said.
Carol K., in her 90s, gets straight works in Italy where she is rabbi of “When we go to Israel, he goes to the
Stay informed throughout to the point. “I have no problem with Italy’s first Reconstructionist syna- base, and he feels very much a part of
gogue. Contact her at Rabbi@Rabbi
being referred to as part of ‘the elder-
it.”
the month. Sign up for ly.’ I mean, that’s what we are.” Barbara.com. important milestone in 2020 when
Special in Uniform achieved an
Rabbi Barbara Aiello’s most popular
the Federation’s Enewsletter columns are now published in her new Daniel Defur became the first blind
male inducted into the IDF. Defur be-
at jfedsrq.org. book, Aging Jewishly, available on gan going blind just after becoming a
Bar Mitzvah at 13 and had fully lost
Amazon. It makes a great gift!
his sight by age 15. Yet he completed
Special in Uniform’s two-year volun-
teer training program, becoming a ful-
Helping you live the life MAR200947A ly-fledged IDF soldier last July.
Helping you live the life
Helping you live the life you want, the way you want. “It is always harder to lose an
you want, the way you want.
you want, the way you want. ability than be born without an abili-
ty,” Merriam said. “But he has adapted
very well. Daniel is very bright and he
does speak English beautifully, so he’s
a wonderful spokesman for the pro-
gram. To have him become a soldier
was the culmination of everybody’s
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