Page 27 - Jewish News_January 2020

JEWISH INTEREST January 2020 27A

It’s a little bit Brooklyn, a little bit Lower East Side Aging Jewishly – What our traditions teach us about growing old

When divorced parents age

learned and somewhat
cantankerous. The sex- By Rabbi Barbara Aiello
ton, Eisenberg, “could “ hen the telephone rang at see as an alarming statistic. Brown re- Rosa reminds us that adult children one way to ease the isolation that these
kvetch fluently in seven 2:00 a.m. I knew it had to ports that the current crop of unmarried of divorce and their parents have issues adults often feel.
languages.” Nachman, Wbe bad news, and it was,” boomers “are much more economi- that need to be addressed. She says, “As Within our Jewish communities,
the cantor, who had lost says Kyle, who, along with his older cally vulnerable than married boomers an adult, you feel that you should be divorced seniors are living alone, of-
his once-glorious voice, sister, shares the responsibility for car- are” – a situation made especially pre- able to cope and you shouldn’t feel so ten with the particular emotional bur-
magically gets it back. ing for their ag- carious when multiple marriages are emotional about your parents’ divorce den that characterizes a family split. At
Rabbi Fiddleman holds ing parents. “My involved. – making you likely to suffer in silence the same time, adult children of these
the group together. They sister was out of Adult children like Kyle and his rather than reaching out for help.” seniors struggle with the difficulties of
have nothing to do except town so I raced sister may find themselves responsi- Breaking that silence is critical and what Kyle calls the “shuttle bus life.”
appraise the dishwasher to the hospital ble not only for two parents who live Rosa offers practical suggestions for Given what the statistics tell us, help-
and overhear a (beautifully to be with Mom. miles apart, but for their parents’ sig- doing just that: ing divorced boomers and their adult
rendered) mother-daughter She lives alone nificant other – the stepparent or com- 1. Begin with an honest parent/adult children is a mitzvah in the making for
confrontation. and that night she panion who, like their own mom and child meeting where emotional Jewish communities nationwide.
An incident in the Nosh fell and broke her dad, eventually needs care and support. issues are acknowledged and ad- For 10 years Rabbi Barbara Aiello
leads the three men, each in his own hip.” When step-wsiblings are involved, the dressed served the Aviva Campus for Senior
way, to contemplate death. The rabbi Rabbi Barbara Aiello Kyle’s moth- situation becomes even more compli- 2. Continue with frank discussions Life as resident rabbi. She is rabbi of
explains that “the Torah makes no de- er is not a widow but she lives alone cated. about finances and living arrange- the Reconstructionist synagogue, Ner
finitive statement about an afterlife.” because 27 years ago, she and Kyle’s Francine Russo, author of They’re ments Tamid del Sud in south Italy, and serves
A year passes, and they are still talk- father divorced. Now both parents are Your Parents Too, emphasizes that in 3. Speak up about how caregiving as visiting rabbi in Rhodes, in the old-
ing about the old crone and muttering elderly and both have serious health addition to the financial stress of two responsibilities can be shared with est synagogue in Greece. Contact her
about how after coming to Schwartz- concerns. “Dad has a bad heart,” Kyle parents with two different living situa- siblings, both natural and step at Rabbi@RabbiBarbara.com.
man’s for 10 years, there is “never a says, “and I notice his dementia is tions, the emotional stakes can be quite 4. Make plans for caregiver respite
waitress when you need one.” getting worse. He has a girlfriend but high. Russo reports that “Adult chil- care and for the possibility of care- Andrea Verier
These tales, and their four com- they never married. Last week when dren of divorce may feel anger or re- giver burnout M.A., M.S., LMHC
panions, are sometimes heartbreaking, she had chest pains, Dad didn’t call sentment at one parent, or feel like they In an article on “Divorce Etiquette”
sometimes consoling, always lumi- her daughter. He called me! There’ve have to parse out their time equally (ReformJudaism.org), psychotherapist Nationally Board Certified,
nously true. been times when my sister and I spend between both parents…and it can get Edythe Held Mencher and family law Licensed Mental Health Counselor #4082
Philip K. Jason is Professor Emeritus every night of the week running back pretty intense.” specialist Marsha Elser discuss how QUALITY
of English from the United States Na- and forth among the three of them. I In a recent article by Ashley Rosa, the synagogue community can facili- PSYCHOTHERAPY
val Academy. He reviews regularly for love my parents but my “shuttle bus “Late-Life Parental Divorce: How tate positive relationships with families Adults
Florida Weekly, Washington Indepen- life” is exhausting.” to Care for Your Parents” (Divorce who for years have been navigating the
dent Review of Books, Southern Lit- Kyle and his sister are not alone. Magazine.com 2019), the author of- troubled waters of divorce. Adolescents
erary Review, other publications and According to an article by Chris Tay- fers suggestions regarding caring for The authors emphasize that Jewish Individuals
the Jewish Book Council. Please visit lor (Wealth magazine 2012), “Some 60 elderly parents, especially when they professionals can play a leading role Couples
Phil’s website at www.philjason.word percent of unmarried boomers are di- divorce later in life. as they plan programs and support ser- Families
press.com. vorced.” The implications for the next In what she describes as “double vices that acknowledge that a parent’s MEANINGFUL COUNSELING FOR:
generation are serious as adult children trouble,” Rosa notes that the practical divorce has lifelong emotional impact • Life Transitions
Need to reach the editor of divorce struggle with the emotional support that happily married seniors for the children. At each age and stage, • Relationships Helping You

of The Jewish News? and financial issues related to what enjoy evaporates when seniors divorce, from early childhood through the teen • Anxiety Unfold
• Depression
years and on to adulthood, divorce
Taylor calls a “demographic tsunami.”
especially after they’ve postponed the
Professor Susan Brown co-au-
Send an email to thored a study that examined the socio- split, sometimes waiting years for their brings with it its own set of psycho- • Trauma Your True Self
logical concerns. Organizing a Jewish
children to become adults before they
1217 S. East Avenue, Suite 209 • Sarasota, FL
jewishnews18@gmail.com. logical meaning of what gerontologists take steps to dissolve the marriage. community support group for adult 941.315.8797 • AVerierLMHC@gmail.com
children of elderly divorced parents is CounselingServicesSarasota.com
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