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rage, and the anger that had consumed me, but none of
that mattered now. We rarely had arguments;
nevertheless, Mom’s fears of the unknown had always
kept me from fully living my life. Now that she was
gone, I was left with that painful experience and
knowing that my last words to her had come true … “I
never want to see you again.”I vowed to never allow anger
to control me in that way ever again, but that didn’t
comfort my broken heart.

In my grief, I appreciated for the first time, the
blessing of always feeling safe and secure. My mother’s
overprotective nature had given me a very secure
environment to grow up in. But, there was no secure
place for me to hide any longer. Never before had I felt
so lost and disconnected. My confidence disappeared.
We had a small intimate gathering at Mom’s grave
site, just family; Aunt Cindy, Uncle Mike, my cousin,
Anne Marie and her husband Joel. Before turning to
walk away, I placed a delicate red rose on my Mom’s
casket, it was her favorite.
Still numb and in shock everything was a blur,
except for my memory of something very strange that
happened as I left the grave site.

As I walked away, I turned to look at her grave one
more time.

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