Page 24 - The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin_Neat plip book

On the third move of the game, David made a strange deci sion, allowing
me to capture his king pawn with my kni ght . I sho ul d have taken some time

to look for traps, but I moved too qui ckly. Then he was all over me, br ingi ng
his queen into a dangerous attacking position, chas ing my overextende d kni ght
who had nowhere safe to hide. I’d been stupi d to gr ab the pawn. Now thi s
smart little kid was going after my ki ng an d I was ing f or my life.

I can see my eight-year-old self as the gam e slipped away, sitting at the
board, sweat beginning to flow, goose bum ps rising, my hear t pi cki ng up
speed, hungry stares of envious rivals sitting at near by chessbo ards , the eerie
rustling silence of the playing hall, the fragility of so many dr eams. I wasn’t a

superman. I was a child who slept in my parents’ bedroom because of terribl e
nightmares, now competing with the world on my sho ul der s and everythi ng
falling apart.
I had a choice of completely self-des truct ing or losing some material,

regrouping, and then trying to fi back. I’d done this countless times at
Washington Square Park. But being on the ropes agai nst a kid was ne w to me.
I had dealt with the pressures of being the favorite at the Nationa ls by puf fi
myself up with a sense of invinci bility. Con ce is critical for a gr eat

competitor, but overconfidence is brittle. We are too smart for our selves in suc h
moments. We sense our mortality like a cancer beneath the br avado, and whe n
things start to go out of control, t her e is little real resilience to fall ba ck o n.
When the game was over I was stunned , reeling from being so close to

winning my first national champi ons hi p and then letting it go , self-
destructing, falling apart. Was I a loser? Had I let my par ents do wn? Wha t
about the guys in the park, Bruce, my friends at school? How coul d I ha ve lost?
One of the problems with being too hi gh is that ther e is a long way to fall.

Had I fallen in my own eyes or also in the eyes of tho se around me? After
trying so hard, was there worth out side of winni ng? An eight -year-old is ha rdl y
prepared to deal with such loaded issues , and I was very fortuna te to ha ve a
family with the ability to keep, or at least regain, a bit of per spect ive in times

of extreme intensity. We went shi ng.

*

The ocean has been a huge part of my life since the womb. Li terally. Whe n my
mother was five months pregnant, we were at sea, trolling for blue marlin in