Page 83 - Taming Your Gremlin A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way (Rick Carson)_Neat

Walking and trying to look relaxed while flexing one’s neck with all
one’s might takes finesse. Opening a car door, getting in, and starting the
car while staying flexed takes uncommon concentration.

Things were never the same with Sally and me after that. She had seen

right through me, probably not for the first time, but it was the first time I
had seen her see right through me. I couldn’t stand it. What if she saw that I
was just a clumsy, scared 16-year-old kid wrapped in a muscled-up suit of
armor with big biceps and a tense neck? What if she saw that I wasn’t a Big
Dog at all? So from then on, I flexed harder every time I was with Sally.
Not just with my neck, but with my whole psyche. Before a comment left
my lips, I sanded it smooth of any sign of gentleness. I think I was even

rude some of the time. And remember, I liked her. I really liked her.

Soon, it became no fun for me or for her. I flexed so hard that the love
and the like in my heart got cramped. It couldn’t get out. Before long, I just
faded right out of Sally’s life and she out of mine. It’s hell on a relationship
if you’re flexing all the time.

I counsel a lot of people who are involved with relationships that are
important to them. I’ve noticed that often, relationships begin with a covert

agreement between two people that sounds something like this:

“I promise to help you convince yourself that you are the way you want
to think you are, if you will promise to do the same for me.”

Actors and actresses tend to seek each other out and perform plays
together. They rarely say aloud that this is what they’re doing, but it is. I’ve
seen several variations on the “knight in shining armor meets damsel in

distress” theme. The first scene is often terrific, but the whole thing begins
to get unpleasantly intense when one or the other gets tired of acting or sees
through the other’s act.