Page 84 - Taming Your Gremlin A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way (Rick Carson)_Neat

When this happens, there is often disappointment, resentment, and
defensiveness about the deterioration of one’s own act or the act of one’s
partner. As anxiety and anger emerge, there is the potential for a great deal

of conflict and even for the demise of the relationship. Both parties’
gremlins come charging out in full force, supporting those ugly fears of
abandonment, pain, and death I spoke of earlier. The gremlin’s dialogue
may have a defensive flavor:

“S/he’s holding you back.”

“S/he is too difficult to please.”

“S/he is unreasonable.”

“S/he is no longer the person you married.”

“S/he doesn’t give you the emotional support you need.”

“S/he’s too dependent.”

or a self-critical tone:

“S/he deserves more than you can give him/her.”

“You’re so dumb.”

“You should be stronger.”

“You should be less selfish.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

The upside is that within all this sticky intensity is a wonderful
opportunity for two people to see their acts as mere acts, and to begin to

establish a relationship based on a mutual desire to be intimate, and
consequently to let their natural selves meet, touch, and begin to dance.