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José Paulo – Ideal Decision José Paulo – Ideal Decision
You, who are already married and have a healthy relationship,
do not be alarmed, and, even if there is some difference between
you and your spouse in the five points that will be mentioned here,
do not interpret it as a criticism or a rule, after all, they are advices
and certainly will serve to reflect, advise and evolve in your current
relationship.
Many people use the term “life for two”, when in reality, there
are two people who become one to live a journey. Therefore, they
must go in the same direction.
Imagine that you and your partner are walking on a road tied
to each other by a rope by your hands and feet, and that one of
you starts walking faster than the other. The result can be the bre-
aking of that rope where one will be left behind or hurt by being
dragged and the other one, worn out by the effort of pulling the
first one. Therefore, being aligned in several points of life is key to
a good and everlasting relationship. I ask that you meditate on the
following advices:
- Social Status
When a couple has the same social status, the relation between
the families tend to be more peaceful and balanced. Do not see my
advice as prejudice, I am talking about all social levels. When there
is this alignment, things already get off to a better start, because
they frequent the same places, speak the same language; the life
standard is equal.
What I want you, the reader, to see here is the balance in a re-
lationship from the start. They start in the same rhythm, I say, be-
cause when there is a distance in the social status, in the beginning,
the overwhelming passion hides cultural and social difficulties, but
soon one of the parties begins to suffer for not adapting to the
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ecosystem of the other. I say again, I am not invalidating the suc-
cess in the union between different classes, but if that occurs, first
there must be a lot of exchange of experience, values and culture,
in addition to resilience and flexibility to manage these factors.
- Educational Level
This is another advice I give you, the reader: having the same
educational level facilitates communication by a lot. If there is
something vital in a marriage is to know how to listen and how to
speak. When one party of the couple is in a much more advanced
educational level, someday in life, this party will isolate to main-
tain focus and for not having an effective communication with the
spouse, and that is not healthy for the relationship.
When there is equality in this area, at the time of a conflict the
two parties can communicate at the same level and everything is
resolved more easily and quickly. The great challenge is not to feel
intellectually superior or inferior to the other.
If you have a relationship with someone with a lower educatio-
nal level today, encourage them to keep up with you in this area;
or, if you have a lower educational level, try to get there too and
ask your spouse for help to make it happen.
- Well Aligned Life Objectives
When we talk about marriage, the word resignation is present
every day. Imagine, one wants to travel, the other thinks about
buying a car, one wants to have children, the other does not, one
likes to stay at home, the other one loves to go out, and so on.
In many aspects, one side has to resign and to accept the same
objective as the other one, everything has to be well aligned; to do
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