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been imprinted into our personalities, whether we are aware of it or not.

“It is well known, that a person who has reached the age of 20 is a result

of education, genes, and a father and a mother. And if we experienced

strong influences, it will influence us. If my parents set out a good

example in their relationship for me, it does good things to my life. If I

have a parent who abandoned me and I had to search for love, then all of

the theories claim that one of two results occurs: either I develop in the

direction of “holding mommy‟s apron”, and later the spouse‟s, because I

don‟t want to be alone; or I go in the direction of withdrawing and

arrogance, fearing the breaking of the walls I have built, and that‟s a

negative thing. The innovation Imago made”, Segal explains further, “is

that this influences us when we choose a spouse. We often search for
those who remind us the warm, loving side of our parents, and beyond:

those who will help us reach perfection”.
According to Imago, the interpretation of the phrase „perfection‟ is not

the one‟s “unfinished half”, but an implementation of latent qualities. “G-
d made us worthy and capable of attaining joy, love and perfection, but

we got hit left and right on the way: “you shouldn‟t do this” and “shame

on you” – and each of us shrunk in a different way. Often, we play down

a part of our personality because we didn‟t get positive feedback on our

actions, but the abilities and desire exist within us. The divine plan is for

us to find a spouse, through which and along with we can grow out the

inner parts of us that we have not taken out before. In a good relationship

you can be yourself, in it you can reach your own perfection, and to

express all of your sides”.

Segal‟s workshops are meant for any couple, because everyone can

emerge enriched from it. In practice, however, the people attending them

are therapists or spouses that feel a certain blockage in their relationship.

“The tools are mostly based on how to talk to your spouse. A dialogue

like we are having now is an important thing. When does a couple sit

down to talk about how they feel and what they‟ve been through in life?
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