Page 610 - the-idiot

‘Of course I know they say that one must be obedient,
and of course, too, the prince is one of those who say so:
that one must be obedient without questions, out of pure
goodness of heart, and that for my worthy conduct in this
matter I shall meet with reward in another world. We de-
grade God when we attribute our own ideas to Him, out of
annoyance that we cannot fathom His ways.
‘Again, I repeat, I cannot be blamed because I am un-
able to understand that which it is not given to mankind to
fathom. Why am I to be judged because I could not compre-
hend the Will and Laws of Providence? No, we had better
drop religion.
‘And enough of this. By the time I have got so far in the
reading of my document the sun will be up and the huge
force of his rays will be acting upon the living world. So be
it. I shall die gazing straight at the great Fountain of life and
power; I do not want this life!
‘If I had had the power to prevent my own birth I should
certainly never have consented to accept existence under
such ridiculous conditions. However, I have the power to
end my existence, although I do but give back days that are
already numbered. It is an insignificant gift, and my revolt
is equally insignificant.
‘Final explanation: I die, not in the least because I am un-
able to support these next three weeks. Oh no, I should find
strength enough, and if I wished it I could obtain consola-
tion from the thought of the injury that is done me. But I
am not a French poet, and I do not desire such consolation.
And finally, nature has so limited my capacity for work or

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