Page 492 - the-brothers-karamazov

Then, all of a sudden, we were ordered off for two months to
another district.
On my return two months later, I found the young lady
already married to a rich neighbouring landowner, a very
amiable man, still young though older than I was, connect-
ed with the best Petersburg society, which I was not, and
of excellent education, which I also was not. I was so over-
whelmed at this unexpected circumstance that my mind
was positively clouded. The worst of it all was that, as I
learned then, the young landowner had been a long while
betrothed to her, and I had met him indeed many times in
her house, but blinded by my conceit I had noticed noth-
ing. And this particularly mortified me; almost everybody
had known all about it, while I knew nothing. I was filled
with sudden irrepressible fury. With flushed face I began
recalling how often I had been on the point of declaring my
love to her, and as she had not attempted to stop me or to
warn me, she must, I concluded, have been laughing at me
all the time. Later on, of course, I reflected and remembered
that she had been very far from laughing at me; on the con-
trary, she used to turn off any love-making on my part with
a jest and begin talking of other subjects; but at that mo-
ment I was incapable of reflecting and was all eagerness for
revenge. I am surprised to remember that my wrath and
revengeful feelings were extremely repugnant to my own
nature, for being of an easy temper, I found it difficult to be
angry with anyone for long, and so I had to work myself up
artificially and became at last revolting and absurd.
I waited for an opportunity and succeeded in insulting

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