Page 40 - Expert Issue 2015 (2)

The Birth of Motherhood
EXHIBITIONS, LECTURES
MUSEUM STORE
VISITING ARTISTS
WOMEN’S FILM FESTIVAL
WORKSHOPS, INTERNSHIPS
LIBRARY and ARCHIVE COLLECTIONS BECOME a MEMBER bottles and changed diapers at 2:48 am. Then, like all men, he became weary.
GALLERY TALKS
FIRST FRIDAYS @ NTC
40
and so much more...
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Women’s Museum of California members.
We invite you to explore, celebrate,
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www.womensmuseumca.org
By Marymichelle Lotano
Being a first time mom was the greatest adventure I have ever undertaken. It was
filled with new experiences, extreme emotions and unparalleled exhaustion.
During my pregnancy people offered advice. Some of the advice was excellent and
it could have served as a warning for what was to come. Some of it was terrible. I
discarded the good advice and the horrendous advice with equal zeal. Discarding
the good advice was my survival mechanism. If I had taken the good advice to heart
I would have panicked, lost my way, and eventually strayed into oncoming traffic.
Instead, I reveled in preparing for a beautiful new baby who would change my life
in ways that I could not possibly have imagined. I created dreams for my child and
hopes for his future. It was common for me to indulge myself in the imagined ease
of having an infant to love and cuddle: The hopes and dreams were mine for a life-
time. The tranquility of mothering was mine for the two days I spent in the hospital
while the nurses and doctors tended to me and my newborn.
After three days the hospital forced me to take my child home. My fantasies van-
ished as rapidly as my waistline and the joy of sleepless nights, profound exhaus-
tion, and tiny cries filled my world. I was grateful that I had taken a shower before I
left the hospital because it was the last time I snuggled up to soap and shampoo for
Make Histor several days.
My life underwent a metamorphosis rivaled only by the challenge I undertook when I
vowed to love, honor, and change my spouse. The results were similar. Just as my
lofty ideals about changing my spouse did not materialize I realized my carefully laid
plans to maintain control over my environment had evaporated.
When we first brought the baby home from the hospital my husband seemed like an
angel. He popped out of bed to retrieve the baby from the bassinet and he made
y
As he succumbed to his exhaustion his enthusiasm for parenthood waned. At the
height of his decline he teetered on the edge of infancy and I had trouble telling him
apart from the baby. I solved this problem by reminding myself that only the baby
wore diapers.
As the days and nights passed I developed a stamina that defied logic. In the face
of severe sleep deprivation I did everything that needed to be done on exactly 4
non-consecutive hours of sleep per night. Surprisingly, my husband did not keep
pace. My sleep deprivation was compounded by my body’s decision that it was time
to stop producing the adrenaline that had kept me going for the past three weeks.
My hormones plummeted to normal levels and I began to cry. First I cried over the 4
non-consecutive hours of sleep. Next I cried because I now knew that a 40 year old
man and a newborn could legitimately be considered twins.
When I stopped crying long enough to look in the mirror I was reminded that I was
no longer pregnant. The body staring back me seemed flawless. I was consoled
until I tried to put on a pair of pants. The crying resumed. I realized I had to choose
between continuing to wear my maternity clothes versus appearing in public naked.
My thoughts immediately turned to diet and exercise. I quickly discarded the idea
of exercise because that would require me to return to the gym in exercise clothing.
Instead I embraced the idea of dieting and considered an expensive weight loss
plan. I abandoned this when I realized that the only action I needed to take to lose
weight was to put a fork full of food near my mouth. When I did, the baby cried. My
husband’s meals were not interrupted because he did not choose to hear the baby
cry. He instinctively knew that if he ignored the baby I would take care of the situa-
tion. And I did. And I am thin again.