Page 17 - Mega Bridal Issue

Transitions with Carol LeBeau

Kindness

Kindness means looking for the good in all the ordinary dealings
with a partner. My Tom may not be big into rose bouquets or
romantic poetry…but I never know when I’ll find my gas tank’s
Tom and I been topped off or the dry cleaning dropped off. He even changes
recently celebrated the toilet paper roll! (Sorry gals…and his brothers are taken!)
our 27th wedding
anniversary at a Kindness also includes building positive experiences together. I
lovely waterfront can count on Tom (who can’t even stand sand between his toes)
restaurant with a to cheer for me on the beach as I compete in a rough water swim.
spectacular view Tom, on the other hand, loves golf…on the links and on tv. I’d
of San Diego Bay. rather watch paint dry. But it makes Tom happy. And what do you
It was a perfect know, watching the US Open (with Tom’s personal commentary!) is
evening. A stun- actually a fun way to spend time together on a Sunday afternoon.
ning sunset…
fabulous food… Some experts contend it’s important to tell your partner everything
even our server you feel, but kindness means some things simply don’t need to be
was a delight. In said. Marriage counselor, Daniel Wile, says there are some dif-
fact, when young- ferences, even annoying differences, in all relationships…even the
Marissa learned it very best. “Most,” he contends, “can be quietly accepted as part of
was our anniversary, she couldn’t wait to tell us all about the love the relationship.” Enough said.
of her life.
We can also appreciate and acknowledge kindness from our
As it turns out, Marissa is newly engaged. She and her fiancé partner. It’s not that difficult to say thank you, but so easy to forget.
plan to marry this summer. Her pretty face turned radiant as she Not surprisingly, when I remember to thank Tom for a tender touch San Diego
described her Prince Charming. “He’s super-smart and makes me or doing the dishes, I’m likely to be on the receiving end of another Woman
laugh,” she effused. As Marissa detailed his impressive list of at- act of kindness . Kindness begets kindness!
tributes….good looks, athletic build, great job…I couldn’t stop from
interjecting, “He sounds wonderful, Marissa, but I’d love to know, Finally, kindness involves helping each other. That should go
is your fiance’ kind?” without saying, but it’s not always easy. Selfishness and pride can 17
often keep couples from experiencing the joy of supporting one
While she may not realize it right now, the answer to that question another.
could determine the success or failure of young Marissa’s
marriage. At her age, neither did I. If you want more out of your marriage, follow singer Glen Camp-
bell’s advice: “Try a little kindness.” You can start by taking advan-
Tom and I met on a blind date….dinner at Souplantation with the tage of everyday opportunities:
mutual friend who set us up! Like Marissa, I was drawn to Tom’s
many positive qualities…his athleticism, military background and * Say “Good morning!”
eyes so blue I could swim in them. His cute, southern accent and * Call during the day just to say hi.
devilish sense of humor were irresistible. But over time, it was * Run an errand.
Tom’s kind heart I grew to love. * Listen to your spouse and be quick with words of support and
comfort.
Good jobs can come and go. Good looks mostly go. And some- * Speak gently and respectively
times, during the tough times, it’s hard to have a sense of humor. * Do favors.
But kind words and actions are ageless and can soften the blow of * Spend time together before going to sleep.
most any difficult situation.
There are so many ways…planned and unplanned…to behave
As a young woman, I had no idea the impact kindness could have kindly toward your spouse. The more you do, the closer and
on a marriage. For one thing, it’s contagious! My tendency to be healthier your relationship will be.
picky, negative and cynical is often neutralized by Tom’s ability to
be kind, even during times of conflict. As for Marissa, I’m excited about her upcoming nuptials. It’s going
to be a magical day for the two young lovers. My prayer is together
Many experts extol the virtue of good communication in a marriage they grow to find the magic can last if only they show each other a
relationship. But communication skills are effective only when both little kindness.
parties approach problems with a spirit of kindness. With more
than half of marriages ending in divorce, many scholars now agree “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
the most important ingredient for a successful marriage is If you want to be happy practice compassion.” ~Dalai Lama
kindness.