Page 32 - Pat Brown (1)

He Said, She Said

Are men really from Mars and Women from
Venus, as author Dr. John Gray states in
his bestselling book? Do men and women
really see things that differently? If given
the same question could their answers re-
ally be so different? At San Diego Woman
we wanted to explore the differences be-
tween "them" and "us". Read this month's
installment and find out how the sexes
differ when it comes to communicating
with each other. What topics would you
like to see us duke it out over in upcoming
issues?
No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait
to hear from you!

He Said... She Said...

32 Intuition is one thing, but knowing who, what, when, why Really? You honestly believe that we get angry that you don’t
and where you want things done is the seventh ring in know what is bothering us. It’s not that simple. We get angry
Dante’s Inferno. We’ve talked about similar issues in HSSS that you don’t care enough to know what is bothering us.
before but the frustration level here is an eleven. Guys I think what is even more hurtful is that often what is bothering
know how this conversation, from the very first word, will us is something we have already told you and you pretended
end. “I thought you knew.” “Didn’t I tell you?” There are so to be listening, but you weren’t. For women there are two very
many but the capper is “You should’ve known.” Really? important “L” words in our vocabulary, “Love” and “Listen.”
You know we are visual creatures – minimally intuitive. Men If you love us and listen to us it will inspire yet another “L” word
have come a long way (in matters of the heart) but the rules for the men out there, “Lust.” There is nothing sexier than
keep changing. Put a hole in the dry wall and we have a a man who truly listens to us and does so because he truly
goal. Pipe breaks – we have a goal. Car makes a funny believes we have something important to say. Okay, there are
noise - and we have a goal. But if we come home and get some times when we are a bit dense and perhaps it is under-
‘the look,’ with no warning, we react without thinking and standable that you don’t listen. If it is the ninth inning of a tied
ask the dreaded question, “What’s wrong honey?” And the padre game and bases are loaded with two outs, it probably
gates of Armageddon fly open. isn’t the time for us to discuss what color we should repaint the
Most of my man friends are doers and shakers and well family room. So yes, women have to know when to pick their
connected to all that is the home front: All duties shared and spots.
dispatched as a couple. I read so much about the helpless I will admit, most men I know are not “clueless” and yes, there
male, the clueless male, the uncaring male – I don’t know has been an overall improvement in our men’s ability to step
these men. And, the women I know wouldn’t tolerate them. up to the plate and share the responsibilities around the house.
I know there are guys like this just as I know that women There are some men out there who even cook. So I will give
can be the same. props to men who have become enlightened and realized that if
Communication is always a two way street but I just can’t you please your women, they will return the favor.
get over the fact that both have to work at it. The self-help Could women be more straightforward and clearly voice their
guru’s call it ‘purposeful conversation.’ I call it the ‘what’s feelings and opinions regardless of whether or not what we
up’ theory: A man comes in the door and sees ‘the look’ have to say is what our men want to hear? Yes, we can.... well
and asks “what’s up?” and there’s the pause and ‘oh really!’ some of us can, but we know if it is not something you want to
look and we’re off and running. Men, just state what’s up. hear, we will be considered the “b” word. So we have become
Women, do the same. Simple. Uncomplicated. accustomed to the tactful approach. Sometimes it works,
sometimes you get met with the “look.” I think most women
would be willing to open up and have “purposeful conversation”
as long as you listen when we talk. If this occurs you could
forever be freed from the “look.”