Page 29 - Sandy Jackman Pantai Hotel

He Said, She Said

Photos by Lisa K. Miller

Are Men really from Mars and Women from Venus, as author Dr. John Gray
states in his bestselling book? Do men and women really see things that
differently? If given the same question could their answers really be so
different? At San Diego Woman we wanted to explore the differences be-
tween "them" and "us". Read this month's installment and find out how the
sexes differ when it comes to communicating with each other. What topics
would you like to see us duke it out over in upcoming issues?
No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to hear from you!

In years past we’ve covered much of the male/female condition in
this column. What never ceases to amaze is that there’s always Let me preface this response by saying that just in the matter of full disclo-
something new in that chasm between the man/woman paradigms sure there is only one group of women who have absolutely no problem
on every front. Summer always brings a new set of head-slapping- putting on a bathing suit for a day at the beach with their friends or acquain-
knot-in-the-stomach situations that defy logic. Men, unless you’re at tances. Who are they? They are a very select group known as “The Sports
a BMI of 18 or less DON’T WEAR SPEEDOS! Seriously, you have Illustrated Swim Suit Models.” For the rest of the women out there, it is a
so many other choices. Why embarrass your wife and her friends and constant course of severe distress and sometimes even utter panic.
scare complete strangers. This is our biggest mistake in going to the The retailers definitely don’t make it any easier bringing bathing suits out
beach. All other sober behaviors are well within reason of the male in February. Not to mention the fact that living in Sunny San Diego doesn’t
spectrum of silliness. even give a girl a chance to layer up with shirts, coats and jackets to hide
some extra winter weight. We don’t even get the winter weight break! So go
However, you ladies add layers to this relatively simple process that easy on us.
don’t exist in any parallel universe (and we men are losing our hair When you men decide it is time for a friendly beach gathering with the
and going grey as this spectrum widens). New lines of swimsuits “crowd,” and it is always the men who make this decision (because women
start filling the racks as early as February. Why, oh lord, why do you will always pick a restaurant or a nice dark movie) we are traumatized. All
still not have an outfit (literally a wardrobe) for the beach picked we can visualize are the bodies of the other women who will be attending
out on the day before us and thirty of our closest friends descend and where on the ‘fat zone’ scale we fit. If we are lucky enough to be one
on Moonlight Beach for sun, fun, and food. It’s five in the afternoon of the smaller wives in the group the stress degree is lower, but still there
(again, the day before you need it) and you’re still looking at online is stress since we will never be the smallest woman on the beach: There
catalogs “for ideas.” At six you get into the car and wonder why we may be one of “The Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Models” parading around. San Diego Woman
don’t want anything to do with your mission. Some women will tell you that we are conscious of how we look for the
men in the group, others will insist it is for the women. I truly think it is
So we’re sitting in the swimsuit section of Kohl’s – we meaning three how we feel we look to ourselves in the mirror. The mirror is definitely
forlorn guys with the same deer in the headlights gaze - and out you our greatest enemy, unless of course you are from that group, yes, “The
march, for the tenth time, and ask what I think. The other men have Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Models Group.” To this day I will swear, hand 29
averted their eyes so they don’t have to be dragged into the fray or on bible, that there are “special” mirrors in the try-on rooms in the bathing
are pretending to talk on their cells. And I, hunter/gatherer from the suit departments of major retailers. Because there is no way that I would
wilds of Wyoming, have to conjure a reply. And I can never, ever ever select that horrendous bathing suit if it looked the same way in the
say, “But I thought this season was all about one piece suits.” This store that it does in the mirror at home. Maybe it’s the lighting, no I think it
is Dante’s Inferno level six. I can’t say it looks great because you’ll is those circus mirrors. Perhaps, I should get the hint when I appear to be
storm back into your changing room and look in the mirror until you about 6’ 4” when I am barely 5’4”. Well in any event, bathing suits are a
can’t stand what you see. Then it starts again. Kohl’s, Macys, Nor- nightmare and as a man, more importantly, as a husband, you need to be
dies, Target, Ross, and its nine thirty and the cleaning crew and one understanding and patient with us, or be smart enough to never ever again
cashier are the only ones left. Here comes the line that renders men suggest a beach event. The only way we might consider it is if you want to
completely and utterly speechless: “I think, I don’t know, but I THINK take us to a beach on a tropical island where we will never again see the
I liked that first one at Macys. I wonder what time they open in the people on the beach.
morning.” This is when the cold sweats begin. Having said that, let’s get back to the Speedo issue. I was a sweet in-
nocent 17 year old when I was first blinded by the site of a Speedo. It is as
When the party begins and the burgers and dogs are cooking, all if it was yesterday; an image forever branded into my memory. My friend
the men are standing around telling each other how they look like Kathy and I were on our first vacation together. We saved all year to take
death warmed over. Eight out of ten of the men had been through a cruise and the crew on the ship were all from Italy. At the first port of
the same thing last night, kindred spirits lounging in the nevernever- call a lot of the crew was given the day off to enjoy the beautiful Bermuda
land of the waiting area of the changing rooms. The women are all beaches. With our beach bags in hand, Kathy and I set our feet upon
comparing notes and complaining how they can’t find a thing to wear. the pink Bermuda sand and came face to face with a beach full of Italian
Worst case scenario is two of you are wearing the same thing. speaking volley ball playing Speedo clad men of varying ages and sizes.
Yes, all sizes. Even the 300+ pound chef was wearing a speedo…or at
I know we men have it easy. Yea! But, really, does it take that long least what we could see of it. Apparently, in Europe at that time there was
to find a bathing suit that you’re only going to cover up with layers of no other choice in men’s bathing suit attire. I must agree a Speedo should
flimsy flowing things (I really don’t know what to call them) and home only be worn on the diving platforms of the summer Olympic Games by
in on the footwear of the other ladies. If it takes a man ten minutes those attempting to win a Gold, Silver or Bronze Metal.
to find a suit and a woman three hours – we get it and allow for it. So let’s make a pact. No more complaining about it taking us two weeks
But if you’ve got to hit half a dozen stores and then start looking for or more to pick out the perfect bathing suit, especially when you make the
something to put on your feet for your one trek a year to the beach, plans for a trip to the beach in the first place, and we promise to never pull
there’s so much more wrong here than the ability to make a decision. out those pictures we have of you guys in your speedos, posing, when you
And this is only for beachwear. There’s a whole other universe during all thought it was the fashionable way to go!
the year where we go through the same thing. Again – the greying