Page 46 - Tracy Anderson Issue

The Promise

A story about filling the empty hole of loss
By Deeba Van Overberghe

“Tony, I will never leave you. No matter what, I will not leave you.” and a few nights in a hotel, rode a bus from Mexico
She said this with a calm sense of being as she held her husbands face in her hands. An argument had City, through the United States, to New York where they
just occurred between the two and I was sitting at the kitchen table, witnessing the bold love between hopped a plane to Iceland and then another to Paris.
them as they felt safe to state their positions and frustrations. For the first time in her 70 years of life,
Myrna fully and completely understood the truth of this promise, inside and out, top-to-bottom. The light- Once in Europe, she immediately applied for a job with the Argentinian Embassy, however was told there
ness of this promise to the depths of its darkness, and she wasn’t about to back away. She was ready to was a six month delay in her hiring. So, she and her friend set out for Amsterdam where they not only
uphold this promise no matter what. worked in a hotel but also in a Tulip factory. Then when they had saved enough money, they went to
My first impression upon meeting Myrna was that of intrigue, grace and elegance. A tall woman, she Barcelona, Spain and began to look for work.
wore her mystery as one would wear a coat: Comfy and cozy in the fact that not many knew very much
about her. This was safe. Protected by this fact, she was able to navigate and carve out a life of great While in Spain, Myrna was introduced to the Encyclopedia Britannica and began to sell them quite
adventures and victorious experiences during a time in her country of Argentina when people were being successfully. It was this new found freedom and independence that paved the way to her experience
held to task for their thoughts and actions…just prior to the Dirty War. She had lived an exciting life and with success. Loss and abandonment did not exist in Europe for the beautiful Myrna. She was on the
was still defining every moment of it. precipice of change … she was experiencing great joy and it showed.
Myrna was born into a family that carved its home out of the land near La Plata, Argentina. At the age As the top seller of the Encyclopedia Britannica, she gained confidence, a successful reputation and an
of six, she lost her mother due to complications from giving birth to her little brother. Of course it was apartment where she could raise her son. She called her husband and shared her longing for her son,
devastating for this girl of six who had hung onto the parting words of her mother’s promise, “I will return.” requesting he be sent to her in Spain. Her husband wanted no part of it and demanded that she return to
Mexico City if she wanted to be with her son.
Her mother never did return and this loss haunted Myrna for most of
her life enabling feelings of abandonment to take hold while she I can’t imagine the feelings she must have had as she
struggled to understand why she had been abandoned by the one boarded that plane returning to a world that seemed so very
she loved the most. distant, perhaps a little set in old world ways compared to the
progressive state of Barcelona … so far from her success
Memories of her family’s homestead prior to her mother’s death are and growth, on so many levels.
dimmed and slightly tattered at the edges, overshadowed by the
life that had come thereafter. However, Myrna holds this memory of Upon returning to Mexico City, she continued doing what
safety and love deep down in the chambers of her heart. she did best and began selling the encyclopedias in South
America, becoming the top sales person for many years
She was raised by her father’s sisters and although they were kind running. She made enough money to provide for her son
and loving, one wonders how she must have felt, to not only have and his special needs, to own her home as well as a cabin
been abandoned by her mother, but then also by her father. This in the woods.
small girl of six must have felt so alone, no matter how much love her
46 aunts gave, it would never have been enough. She described a typical weekend at this time: “We would
finish working on a Friday afternoon, hop a plane to Dallas,
So what did happen? She gathered strength and independence in TX and then go shopping all weekend only to fly back Sunday
her formative years and didn’t allow any woman too close, as she night and hit the road running Monday morning,” building
always believed that her mother’s love would come back to her. sales and a client base that would put most of the account
She went to University to be an artist, then changed her degree to executives I know to shame.
becoming a lawyer upon the pressure of her family and their belief
that the life of a lawyer was respectable. Having experienced several years of growing her business
and living the Jet Set lifestyle (most of us only dream about)
She never did complete her education as she had met and married she began to reassess her life. She had realized that she was
her first husband, ten years her senior. Believing he would give her still trying to deal with the empty feelings of loss and distance
the security and love that had been missing from her father, she from those she had loved. She sold her business and cabin in
would eventually be sorely disappointed, feeling the cold and distant the woods, packed up her home in Mexico City and ventured
emotions of living in an empty marriage. forward to once again define a new path in life.
However, there was an unexpected twist to the story at this time. After the demise of her second marriage, she sought
Actually there were two. She became pregnant and, during the counseling and experienced a greater understanding toward
pregnancy, she contracted measles. Faced with the decision to proceed the issues of abandonment and loss that had seemed to
with the pregnancy or not, she decided to carry to full term and she had a baby boy, Diego. permeate her life - no matter how successful she became. She realized in her attempt to conquer these
sad
Myrna believed all was well. Things were temporarily better in her marriage and she believed she was feelings, she would cause the men in her life to leave before they could really have a chance to stick
turning a corner and everything was going to be okay. After his first birthday, she was informed her son around and love her.
had been born deaf. Once again, grief and loss came into her life: Separation between her and the ones
she loved. Now the world of silence versus sound stood between her, her son and the rest of the Latin The philosophy of Osho seemed to make the most sense to her and she began to dive deep into the
world. act of self-realization, healing all that had been damaged over the act of living more than five decades
without her mother’s soft voice for guidance or her father’s strong presence and protection.
Myrna and her husband spent five years trying to “make it work.” She chose to separate from her hus-
band who later reunited with his previous wife. Fortunately, she was working for the Argentine Consulate When Myrna married for the third time (charmed) and became Mrs. Bonaccorso, it was a greater reward
and began to realize how alone she would be again, only this time, with a son to support. She felt as than all the riches she had acquired throughout the years. She had met her match. And she left the
if the world was caving in and she was going to lose it. In reality, she was losing her self…the little girl jewelry (so to speak) of abandonment and loss on the sofa at the psychiatrists’ offices. She felt victorious
inside was cold and alone and now very frightened. and accomplished in ways she never had before. She felt loved.
It’s funny how the universe can present opportunity to us when we think there is absolutely no hope at all. She experienced enlightenment because she had looked into the dark recesses of her heart and healed
One day, while working at the Consulate, she met a woman who appeared to be so free and confident the little girl inside, soothed the over-achieving professional and comforted the wise, yet aging woman
and self assured that she caught Myrna’s attention. This adventurous woman invited Myrna to travel with from within; she was able to experience love to its fullest, without the fear of loss or abandonment as part
her through Europe. After much thought and negotiation with her ex-husband, Myrna decided to join her. of the package. As a matter of fact, her words to her husband, Tony, one day when stress was in the air
Feeling the empty hole in heart due to the demise of her marriage, she seized the opportunity to move were, “Tony, I will never leave you. No matter what. I will not leave you.”
beyond her pain and take the risk– perhaps a moment of taking control – and finally make a decision for
herself, by herself and for her own benefit. Myrna has revisited her interest in the Fine Arts and has successfully sold her work through several
galleries in the San Diego area as well as Arizona. She is a proud grandmother with great love for her
Her husband agreed to take care of Diego while she ventured forth to discover the world and find family and continues to share her stories of success and love with her sister who continues to reside in
freedom from the pain. She planned to be gone for three months, a much shorter time than the actual the beautiful country of Argentina. Myrna and the love of her life often travel to Europe. And, she can still
year and half she was away. tap into that feeling of freedom she had in Spain when she first tasted what it meant to be free of loss
and so full of promise.
The two adventurous women, with just enough money in their pockets to pay for their tickets to Paris