Page 32 - KC Cunningham Issue

He Said, She Said

"Are You A Cougar?"

By Robert Tussey & Judith A. Habert
Photo by Lisa K. Miller
Are men really from Mars and Women from Venus, as
author Dr. John Gray states in his bestselling book?
Do men and women really see things that differently?
If given the same question could their answers really
be so different? At San Diego Woman we wanted to
explore the differences between "them" and "us". Read
this month's installment and find out how the sexes
differ when it comes to communicating with each other.
What topics would you like to see us duke it out over in
upcoming issues? No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to hear from
you!

So there is a new show on TV called
He Said... Cougars: A reasonably new title for an She Said... Cougar Town, with former Friends star
old tradition. But it’s being played as Courtney Cox and there is soon to be
a brand new movement with exclusivity and nose-thumbing. a new Magazine out of Los Angeles
entitled Kougar (Cougar with a K) and
Bull. The definition of cougar is an over forty woman dat- none of us women of “a certain age” are insulted by be-
ing (exclusively) younger men (You even have a new show ing called a Cougar. You are right. But isn’t it about time
on TV starring Courtney Cox, ‘Cougar Town). It’s primarily that women receive a positive nickname for being sexually
about sex and none of the current slew of articles denies experimental and in tune with our own bodies and sexual
32 it. Fine – up to this point. But the wheels leave the cart needs. Don’t we finally deserve it? For years women with
when these ladies start with the reasons they are doing it: such tendencies were called promiscuous, sluts, loose or
Freedom. Independence. Not interested in long term com- even worse, while men acting in the same manner were
mitments. Get over it; these are old maxims for your ‘new’ studs, playboys, or simply players. Men received acco-
paradigm. lades, winks and admiring glances from their peers, while
Again, you can’t have it both ways. Men, for years, were women were scorned upon and called names behind their
called lecherous old bastards for practicing the same thing. back. So there you go…our turn to have a positive phrase
And you get ‘Cougar,’ give me a break. Your reasons line attached to our similar behavior.
up with men in that the gender changed, not the rhetoric: My Let’s face it there is nothing wrong with having strong sexual
ex-husband was too (and here starts the list) fat, too much urges regardless of your age, for both men and women.
baggage, lazy, too tired, would rather play on the computer, Should we not be proud of the fact that we have worked
wouldn’t experiment, ten up and ten down – you get where hard to take care of ourselves, so much so that younger
I’m going with this. Look in the mirror; these aren’t any more men are finally disregarding our age and are asking us
original than when we said it. It only serves to legitimize out. For years forty something women were forced to face
your actions and nothing more. And now that you have an the reality that the chances of starting a relationship with
ex, you say the same things about dating in your own age a younger man, or for even one our own age were slim
group. Again, look in the mirror. to none. Primarily, these forty year old men were more
Take responsibility and own it. Men should, too, otherwise interested in nubile young beauties. Why you might ask?
it’s simply disingenuous. The argument could be made that Because they could! Women would choose older man for
our (men) trysts were extra-marital. Some, certainly, but several reasons. One might say money was an important
then again you’re in the same cart. I go back to my line from reason. Women crave security and connecting with a finan-
a previous article where I said, “If men are guilty of adultery, cially stable man made our lives easier. But perhaps one of
then who are they committing these acts with?” YOU. I think the more important reasons was that women are by nature
it’s time for some honesty from both camps. more mature than their male counter parts and most women
Women today are entrepreneurial, smart, driven, indepen- realize that it is difficult to find a truly mature man who is in
dent…all the things you’ve been fighting for. And rightly so. touch with his own needs and those of his partner, until they
But you can’t change the fact that when you achieved this reach the age of 50. Hence the reason for May December
level of accomplishment one of the first things you engage romances with younger women and older men.
in is ‘cougarness.’ New word. New paradigm. Not so new So perhaps instead of complaining about the new “Cougar”
behavior. Go for it, but don’t use us as an excuse.
phenomenon men out there should be happy that the tides
have turned.
March/April 2010