Page 27 - KC Cunningham Issue

Bitchin’ & Moaning

What Would they Do Without a Remote?
By Judith A. Habert

There are some days when I get home from my office, when oven, making it hard for me to conjure up sympathy when
I must admit I might not be the most pleasant person in the it now takes under 10 minutes to cook a plate of the same
world with whom to cohabitate. These may be days when food item. But, alas, they don’t know any better, so I try to
deadlines are looming or advertisers at the last minute microwave items that can cook with the same speed as my
decide to pull or change an ad. For the most part I enter the daughter’s operation of the remote.
house tired, but ready to take on phase two (or is it 12?) of There have been times though when I have actually seen
my day. It’s time to make dinner and so my second step after her sit on the couch watching the same show for 30-45
changing into my “hanging out” clothes is to try to decide minutes - amazed that there has been no channel surfing or
what’s for dinner: No, I am not organized enough to think fast forwarding through commercials (how do TV advertis-
about this task until I walk in the door. I guess part of me ers survive now that DVR has made its way into our lives?).
hopes that one of the kids has decided to surprise mom and The lack of activity with the remote often makes me ques-
make dinner. On occasion this happens, not often, but I still tion whether all is well, and then I hear the words, “Mom,
hold out hope. have you seen the remote, I can’t find it?” I am not a stupid
If homework has woman, so I would
been done and they never think of saying,
are not out with their “Well, you do know that
friends, I am sure to you can get up and
find my son online change the channel
and my daughter without the remote.”
either working on the For I know well enough
website for her new that the expression fac-
clothing business, or ing me would be one
perfecting her mas- of crazed indignation
tery of the remote at the thought of such
control. I can hon- a barbaric idea. Once San Diego
estly say that I have again I control the urge Woman
never seen anyone to provide the “In my
who can work a re- day…” speech and
mote with the speed, join in on the search
agility, and accuracy of couch cushions and 27
that she can. I refer possible hiding spots
to her as the “DVR for the remote within
Queen” for she has the house, as this is
figured out how to a common way for
successfully program younger brother to an-
the system to record noy older sister. Once
shows that I didn’t even know I wanted to watch, but lo and the remote has been located, all is well with the world and I
behold I do. The only problem is that there is a need to be can proceed with the process of making dinner.
quick on the draw when it comes to letting my feelings known It was a little over a year ago, before my oldest daughter
as to whether a show she has recorded is one that I wish relocated back to New York, that perhaps the funniest remote
to retain - to watch at a later time or not. I have a mere 2-3 control event occurred and it still makes me giggle when I re-
seconds to respond before the delete key has been hit and member it. I was in the process of preparing dinner and the
that show I have been dying to watch is obliterated - never to “DVR Queen“was sitting on our love seat facing the TV while
be seen again (Unless of course it is a cable show repeated my older daughter was opposite her on the couch, only half
1,200 times before it disappears from the list and can be paying attention to what was on TV. My older daughter made
DVR’d again at 3:45 in the morning). the mistake of assuming that younger daughter was listening
I know times have changed and things that we now have are to her when she spewed some words of wisdom. Younger
often taken for granted. I have to keep myself from laughing daughter, realizing that she was somewhat preoccupied with
out loud when a complaint comes from one of my kids that a the TV, proceeded to point the remote at older daughter and
food item takes forever to cook in the microwave and can’t hit rewind. In her remote control haze she figured she could
I make something quicker. It is hard to answer this ques- rewind what older daughter had to say. When everyone in
tion without giving them the “In my day…” speech but I try. I the room realized what happened we broke out laughing and
often fall back on the baked potato analogy and how ‘in my decided that remote control rehab might be in the mix for the
day’ it took close to an hour to cook one baked potato in the “DVR Queen.”
March/April 2010