Page 32 - Tonilee & Bobbye Social Media Special Edition Oct Nov 2011 (1)

He Said, She Said

Are men really from Mars and Women from
Venus, as author Dr. John Gray states in
his bestselling book? Do men and women
really see things that differently? If given
the same question could their answers re-
ally be so different? At San Diego Woman
we wanted to explore the differences be-
tween "them" and "us". Read this month's
installment and find out how the sexes
differ when it comes to communicating
with each other. What topics would you
like to see us duke it out over in upcoming
issues?
No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait
to hear from you!

He Said... She Said...

32 In all of our past He said, She said articles I have presented I guess the Bob Dylan song title, “The Times they are a Changin” is ap-
many of the day to day frictions and poked fun at our differ-
ences. Communication, or the lack thereof, has been the center ropos to what is going on in our country. Much of the things we took for
granted for many years are suddenly different. Women are out there as
point of most of them. Expectations and misdirection cover the breadwinners and men are forced to chip in and help nurture and raise
rest. There’s another side that has cropped up in many of the the children. The real question is who is having the hardest time adapting
conversations with my male friends recently that has touched a to this change? Women have been accustomed to multi-tasking, juggling
more personal side and I’d like to explore it. children’s schedules, work schedules and home schedules. Men have of-
Men have always been the hunter/gatherers, providing for the ten performed their jobs and then came home to a relaxed environment,
family and guiding the ship. This served well through the Agrar- where they could recover from their hard day at the office. For many
ian and Industrial ages. But, as with most things, the inequi- men their lives have definitely become more difficult. But does this mean
ties began to outweigh this patriarchal paradigm and changes a woman’s life has become easier? Women are now away from the home
(necessarily) began: As they should. Women today are the for hours or sometimes days on end earning a necessary living. Men are
true strength of the entrepreneurial spirit. The glass ceiling, if working outside the home and having to return early or go in late to drop
not broken is shattering quickly. off or pick up the kiddies at school. Women are sharing the cooking,
Men are finding themselves in a flux period between having cleaning and childrearing with their hubbies and, on the outside this looks
been the captains of industry and their homes to second- like a good thing. Equality, didn’t we always want it? In a perfect world,
chairing much of what was once considered ‘our’ turf. For some with no insecurities or egos this seems to work just fine, but nothing is
of these men this is a very uncomfortable place. Many fight or perfect. Women are forced to become more aggressive and men may
dismiss the progression. Most of us, I believe, welcome it. While have to be less. Men are forced to be more nurturing, and women may
I have used this forum to bring humor to the gender wars I have have to be less. How do we manage these changes? It depends on
also tried to inject a humble respect. We, women and men, will their personalities; men who are accustomed to being rough and tough,
always challenge one another and see things differently. Most of maintaining the position of “boss” may have to acquiesce to their wives
my friends see this as a positive, as do I. who may in fact hold a higher position outside the house. But who is the
Men have become more nurturing and family-centric. Stay at boss in the home? Does there have to be a boss? These are questions
home dads, taking more of the responsibility of the day to day that couples are struggling with today. Can the male ego handle not run-
family unit, soccer dad; the list grows each year. We’re doing ning the show? Can women handle having to take on a tougher veneer
paint chips and swaths of cloth and making more lunches and to compete in the work world? If so what happens in the home, what
dinners. And the ladies are steering the boat. happens in the kitchen, what happens in the bedroom?
This is a period of tremendous change, both socially, person- I think the number one step is communication. Without it relationships
ally, and economically and we’re all stretching and growing and suffer. Couples have to work together to find their own personal balance.
learning. There is nothing wrong with any arrangement as long as it makes those
involved happy and secure. Both men and women have to do their best
to keep their business lives separate from their personal lives. Just
because you are the boss at work, doesn’t mean you should boss your
mate around. Respect is the operative word here. If relationships are
not governed by respect these ‘Changin Times’ just may kill us.