Page 45 - Tonilee & Bobbye Social Media Special Edition Oct Nov 2011 (1)

I’d left behind, I know it’s important to be grateful. I thank my daughter for clev-
and she recited a erly packing some photos in spite of my objections that “we can’t
German proverb: take all of them”. I’m grateful for my sensitive young son who said
“If you’re always to me afterwards, “Mom, I’m really sad I lost all my books, but I
looking in the think you and Dad lost a lot more.” I realize how lucky we are to be
rearview mirror safe and unharmed. The fire has cruelly robbed us, but can’t take
when you’re driv- away our memories.
ing, you will never I try to stay focused on the present and not worry about the future
get very far”. I because there are no guarantees. Relationships dissolve and
knew this was structures collapse, dispelling the illusion of security. It’s so easy
good advice but to let possessions define who we are, but they can disappear
found it impos- without warning. The house that was built to last was destroyed in
sible not to stare minutes.
longingly into the I’m not sure I’ll ever stop missing all we’ve lost but I have to move
rearview mirror of on just like anyone else who’s suffered. So I move forward into an
my life.
I am tortured
with imagery
of fire burning
all the things
I cherished. I
see flames illu-
minated on the
faces of my
favorite dolls,
stuffed animals, the chalk faces of my ancestors. I imagine fire
licking at my father’s painting of the ocean, the Indians in the
Taos pueblo, John Wayne. I see those towering flames roaring
up the beautiful tile stairway, engulfing the sturdy pillars, devour-
ing clothes, jewelry, books, our whole magnificent house, and
turning it all into ash and rubble.
Our home, family life, everything we once knew, was turned to
dust by the flames. It seemed the fire was a catalyst for a series
of unfortunate events which tumbled us down like dominoes.
Plans for rebuilding and moving forward fell apart as relation-
ships started to unravel. We no longer had the luxury of leaning uncertain future, brushing off my demons of fear that grasp and pull
on each other for comfort as our family split apart, wandering in at me. It’s a constant effort to focus on the present and not dwell San Diego
different directions. on the past, something I must be mindful of every day. After all, if I Woman
As I scrabble to pick up the pieces of my life, I search for the mean- keep looking in the rearview mirror, I’ll never get very far.
ing in all of this. What lessons am I meant to learn?
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