Page 14 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

OCTOBER 21, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
President Trump is an expert double-downer in pursuit of snowing his supporters. At Tuesday night’s rally in Erie PA, he welcomed his base on this note, “Before the plague came in, I had it made in the shade.
I had you all, and the entire state locked up, we had this thing won. We were so far up. But then the China Plague hit, and I had to actually do some work.” The president’s shoulders slumped and he pretended to wipe tears from his eyes while laughing.
Trump commenced to rant for the next hour, first blaming President Obama for everything – spying on him, destroying coronavirus PPE, faulty toilets and water pressure in the White House, unfair trade deals, negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement (TPP), signing the Paris Agreement, noxious dog odors in the White House, ruining the South Lawn by allowing Michelle Obama to plant a vegetable garden, depriving school kids of junk food, and the list goes on. Equal to the ferocity of his “birther” conspiracy, Trump is livid that Obama is a recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize. Trump will never get over his loss
and victimization. How Trump’s Noble (his spelling) Prize fixation factors into his reelection campaign strategy is anyone’s guess, or as Melanoma would say, “Who gives a f—k?”
The president then assailed Hunter Biden for earning millions of dollars in China and Ukraine when his father was vice president, for which no incriminating evidence has ever been found. He next jumped to blaming “Crooked Hillary” when his microphone momentarily cut out.