Page 20 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

OCTOBER 21, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
The president’s daughter Ivanka is on a Florida campaign swing today, commencing with a private big-bucks fundraiser in Naples, where the campaign reportedly raised $750, the exact amount the president paid in federal taxes in 2016 and 2017. When the event’s anonymous host was asked if the results were a practical joke, she appeared insulted, saying, “You have it entirely wrong. This is fabricated information designed to embarrass my (garbled). Our take was $7.5 million.”
Shortly before 1:30pm, Ivanka arrived in Fort Meyers at a Harley Davidson rally, where she shouted, unbelievably, “I love you all! I love your outfits! I love your gorgeous tattoos! I love EVERYTHING about your look!” Ms. Trump appeared in a black pantsuit contraption and sunglasses by Oscar de la Renta, costing $24,500. There were no masked speakers or attendees to be seen; most were decked out in clothing made from red, white and blue fake flag fabric.
A source close to Ivanka revealed that she is still furious about losing out to Amy Coney Barrett in the president’s U.S. Supreme Court contest, remarking, “I urge you to stay home and not vote on Election Day. If you have already mailed your ballot, call the Post Office and request its return. Or stand in line at the Florida Election Office and intercept it when the postal delivery people arrive. Then follow me on Twitter because I plan to run for president in 2024 and I will never, ever fail to keep a promise to my daughter, and neither will you!”
At that call to action, the audience chanted, “EYE-VAN-ka for president, EYE-VAN-ka for president, EYE-VAN-ka!!”