Page 47 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

The airport opened early this morning to accommodate anticipated thousands, but by noon, only 40 people stood in line. Attendees were required to have their temperature checked, wear a MAGA hat, MAGA mask and MAGA T-shirt, available for purchase on site. The price tag of $100 was apparently too high for some people who mimed a throat slash as they walked away.
When president Trump arrived in a prototype M1 Abrams, the small group went wild, shouting rather carelessly, “Tank Trump. Tank Trump. Tank Trump.” The president emerged from the hatch, revealing a grease smear on his cheek and his tie askew. A listless wave accompanied
an effort to smile, which quickly turned into a grimace.
When Trump eyed the tiny audience, he disappeared down the hatch. After several minutes, an unidentified person approached the podium and made this announcement, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry to report that the president cannot speak to you today. His union contract requires a minimum audience of 2,000 for a presidential speech and 1,500 for a non-speaking appearance. Neither threshold was met, so the president will be rolling back to Air Force One inside 60 tons of killer steel to fly to his Doral property in southern Florida. He asked
me to inform you that he is not in a very good mood.”
This story will be updated when “Tank Trump” swag goes on sale.