Page 48 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

OCTOBER 28, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
Last night, president Trump held a campaign rally on the tarmac at Eppley Airfield in Omaha NE. The area has only one electoral vote, but his campaign geniuses thought that one vote could be the difference between mere winning and so much winning.
A few thousand attendees were bused in from a remote parking lot four miles from the rally. At the event’s conclusion, people rushed to waiting shuttle buses in freezing temperatures. Many were stranded for several hours; about 30 people required medical attention, and seven were hospitalized with hypothermia.
Campaign spokeswoman Samantha Zager reported that her staff arranged for double the normal number of buses, crowing, “We always strive to provide the best guest experience at our events and we care about appearances.” She blamed road closures and road congestion on city government and “others” who were “paid handsomely” to make the president look bad.
Trump climbed the jetway to luxurious comfort on Air Force One at 9pm; the last shivering person left the rally site at 11:50pm – nearly three hours after Trump departed.
Wearing a heavy black coat and gloves, he earlier joked, “Is there any place you would rather be than a Trump rally on about a 10-degree evening? ...It's cold out here but that's OK ...I said I won't put on a hat because I'm gonna show you how tough we are.” At the time of Trump’s comment, it was in the mid-30s with a wind chill that brought the temperature down to 27 degrees – approaching spring in Minnesota.