Page 54 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

OCTOBER 31, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
Third Lady Melanoma Trump made a rare solo campaign stop today in West Bend WI, a town of 31,500 in Washington County between Milwaukee and Fond du Lac. According a member of her staff, the campaign chose the town for two reasons. Its modest size was important because Mrs. Trump “felt more comfortable reading her five-minute remarks to a small number people.” West Bend is also easy to pronounce. Even though Mrs. Trump arrived in the United States 24 years ago, she still struggles with English. A visit to Sheboygan or Oshkosh would have presented serious pronunciation challenges for her. Manitowoc would have been impossible.
The Third Lady was clad in a green military jacket with epaulettes and breast pockets adorned with gold buttons. She read her prepared text at the Kingsheart Farm, a popular, local wedding barn, perhaps hoping to send a signal that she and the president were still lovey-dovey.
She criticized the Biden-Harris ticket, “They politicians forever. Never have job like my Donald who make big billions on casino, golf club and beautiful building. Biden say dark winter coming. Be afraid. Go to basement and hide. No come out until Christmas present miracle from my Donald. Name is Trump Cure, like Trump Vodka. Donald now make commercial for television to sell. He promise success around bend.”
“We not politicians and not live in Washing D.C. long time. Donald want to make big difference to you and your chill-den. He fight China Virus with two yuge hands. We have safety in all red city and state. Let your