Page 58 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

NOVEMBER 1, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
Today, president Trump is scheduled to zigzag across the country holding mini-rallies in 11 states. He begins in Michigan, then Iowa, followed by North Carolina, Arizona, South Carolina, Montana, Kansas, Florida, North Dakota, Georgia and Maine. In a campaign press release, each rally will be limited to 15 minutes in order to allow time for Air Force One to crisscross the country. Like all Trump decisions, the itinerary is insane and impossible. More on that subject shortly.
When asked how Mr. Trump could limit himself to 15 minutes per stop, when his routine speech runs 90 minutes, press secretary Kayleigh McEnemy replied, “We received very favorable reviews of the Third Lady’s five-minute speech in West Bend, Wisconsin yesterday. So we persuaded the president to adopt her performance model.”
The reporter followed up, “Does that mean the president will copy the Third Lady’s green military jacket with epaulettes and gold buttons?”
McEnemy replied, “When I say ‘performance’ I mean the whole package. Before you ask another inane question, here’s the drill. Air Force One lands. A very large crowd has waited hours in whatever weather. The jetway rolls up and the door opens. The president steps out holding a microphone in one hand and a small teleprompter in the other. On the count of three, he delivers 2100 words in 13 minutes, allowing two minutes for the crowd to cheer him and jeer his opponent. Then he backs into the aircraft, the jetway is rolled back, and off he goes to the