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“I could come down and start kissing everybody, the president exclaimed licking his lips, “I’ll kiss every guy, man and woman. Look
at that guy, how handsome he is. I’ll kiss him. With a lot of enjoyment... on the lips! I really like the ladies best, but don’t tell them that, it’s my little secret.”
On the word “secret,” a Secret Service agent took the president by the elbow and steered him out of the crowd. Clearly having the time of his life, Trump tried to resist but the agent out-maneuvered him and prevailed, finally escorting the president to his nearby M1 Abrams tank. The Abrams was recently deployed for the president’s exclusive use in response to his boycott of Goodyear tires. The company would not allow its employees to wear MAGA hats – or any other political swag – on the job, which the president derided as “killing freedom
of speech” and “depriving your president of income.”
Before reaching his tank, Trump wrested his arm from the agent, spun around and yelled, “I’m going to Nevada tomorrow and bringing my Bible. We’re gonna clean up on Election Day. Sleepy Joe and Madwoman Comma don’t stand a chance. Trump never loses.
Just you watch!!”
This story will be updated the next time Trump breaks into tears.