Page 84 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

NOVEMBER 16, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
The Wisconsin Election Commission is playing tit-for-tat with the Trump campaign over a recount of the state’s razor-thin presidential race.
The Commission is willing to proceed with a second count, provided that the campaign pays $7.9 million to the state for the work and the trouble. The Commission further stipulated that the amount must be paid in full, in advance, and in cash, screened to insure its authenticity.
The Trump campaign is in a box. On one hand, the president refuses to fork over any money — not one damn dollar — to prove that he is the fake winner of a second presidential term. On the other hand, he is willing to spend thousands of dollars on law firms that are incapable of seeing the writing on the wall. With one inspiring exception.
After today’s announcement, the campaign’s current law firm, Winner, Boastful & Sons resigned because, according to its spokesperson, “We are pretend lawyers in Hamilton Middle School for Girls and got tired of Whine, Whine, Whine. You know, like Covid, Covid, Covid.”
When asked to comment, the principal of Hamilton Middle School responded, “I had a feeling months ago that our school would make national news. Our students are so bright and so ingenious that I was not surprised when they dreamed up a law firm and backstory that
were so believable that the Trump campaign bought their story without blinking. According to Kamala O, the firm’s student president, “We were ready to count ballots 24/7 at no charge to prove that Trump was wrong,