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October 2, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
The White House confirmed this morning that president Trump and the Third Lady tested positive for Covid-45 overnight. Chief of staff Mark Meadows, sans mask, went on to report that they have been quarantined until their mild symptoms of fever and non-stop coughing abate, “The president and Third Lady have been assigned to separate quarters out of extreme caution and the unlikely event that her attraction to the president might improve.”
Yesterday, the president’s senior counselor, Hope Hicks, who bears an uncanny resemblance to his wife, tested positive for the virus. The president did not appear surprised or concerned by the news, “So, I just went for a test, and we’ll see what happens. I mean, who knows? But you know her very well. She’s hot. And she’s done a great job.”
Mr. Trump continued, “But it’s very, very hard when you are with people from the military or...law enforcement, and they come over
to you, and they want to hug you, and they want to kiss you, because we really have done a good job for them. And you get close, and things happen.”
The president implied that nefarious activities involving bodily fluids were routinely exchanged between him, his staff and the Secret Service agents assigned to protect them. The House Oversight Committee
