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immediately announced an investigation into the meaning of the president’s words. If it is found that his innuendo is true, guilty individuals could receive a fine of up to $10,000 and/or 10 years of incarceration accompanied by unwanted hugging and kissing, or a more serious penalty involving ropes and chains.
For the first time in documented history, the Third Lady’s icy façade seemingly melted in the past 24 hours. When her office was contacted for comment on the possible source of her Covid-45 infection, her secretary whispered into the phone, “Mrs. Trump is busy deciding
this year’s Christmas theme right now. Can she call you back?” Melanoma could be heard yelling in the background, “I’m working... my ass off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decorations?”
According to a source close to the Third Lady, Melanoma loves the f-word, walking in ankle weights, pilates, tennis, reading books and being alone in her room. She is a diet fanatic, eating seven fruits every day and starting her day at 5:30am with a smoothie or oatmeal. A high priority is getting a good night’s sleep – alone – in her 1690 Queen Anne bed with a “No Admittance” sign on her locked bedroom door, guarded by two Secret Service agents.
This story will be updated pending the Third Lady’s recovery from Covid-45.