Page 56 - TheLeekCovidEdition_1

October 9, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
President Trump’s first public event after his Covid-45 diagnosis is scheduled tomorrow afternoon at the White House on the South Lawn, the second time he has held a campaign event on the people’s property in violation of the Hatch Act. The law does not apply to the president
or vice president, but it does apply to all of his staff, without which these events would not be possible. All previous presidents and vice presidents have upheld the spirit of the act, and have refrained from staging electioneering events on taxpayer-owned property.
Several hundred people are expected. The White House released no information on who arranged the “law and order” event except that the president’s son-in-law and nine-year-old granddaughter, Jared and Arabella Kushner, vigorously promoted its timing.
All attendees must submit to Covid-45 testing, consisting of a temperature check and brief questionnaire. A White House source, on the condition of anonymity, revealed that the questionnaire consisted of five questions:
1. Do you agree that president Trump is a gift from God?
2. Do you agree that Covid-45 is no big deal?
3. Do you agree that the president’s daughter Ivanka is super hot? 4. Do you agree that a handmaid should be on the Supreme Court? 5. Do you agree that the president is a perfect physical specimen?
A “yes” answer to all five questions is required for admission to the campaign rally.