Page 57 - TheLeekCovidEdition_1

All rally participants will receive a Corona Gift Basket containing a mask, hand sanitizer, a roll of the president’s signature paper towels, MAGA hat, KFC gift certificate and a trial sample of The Trump Cock, the Regeneron antibody cocktail that killed Mr. Trump’s coronavirus virtually overnight. The gift basket’s contents are free to use or discard, according to another White House source, “The American people are smart, not as smart as the president, but smart enough to make their own decisions about their health. No one, least of all the government, has the right to impose God-given decisions on the American people.”
The president plans to speak to the pretested and preapproved audience from the balcony of his residence. His personal physician and several paid volunteers from Walter Reed will be positioned out of sight to rush to his aid in case his last doses of dexamethasone and hydroxychloroquine wear off. It is reported that Melanoma Trump will not attend the event in fear that proximity to the president could retard her recovery.
Since the beginning of the Covid-45 epidemic, the president has whitewashed every facet of the disease. Viewers can expect a repetition of his spiel at this event. After boasting about the disease’s benign nature, the president is expected to hug himself and gloat over the “warp speed” of his recovery. As he told Rush Limbaugh on his radio program today, “People are going to get immediately better like I did. I mean, I feel better now than I did two weeks ago. It’s crazy.”
Crazy, indeed.
This story will be updated when additional crazy information becomes available.