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October 15, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
The Commission on Presidential Debates recommended a virtual town hall debate tonight in light of the president’s recent Covid-45 treatment, but Trump roundly rejected the format, barking, “I’m over it, over it. What part of OVER IT don’t you understand? It was no big deal, just like I’ve been saying all along. This is another leftwing plot designed to steal the election from me.”
In lieu of a single town hall debate tonight, Trump and Biden will hold separate town hall meetings. Knowingly or unwittingly, Biden’s people beat Trump to the punch by first nabbing NBC, The Apprentice network. Trump was forced to settle for ABC, home of primetime shows few television viewers care to watch.
Upon learning that he had been thumped by Biden, Trump reportedly went into a rage – waving his arms, which sent family pictures on the credenza behind the Resolute Desk flying into the air. He then clenched his fists and stomped up and down on the Presidential Seal carpet, spewing saliva droplets around the room. Still in a frenzy, Trump yelled at his secretary to draft an executive order, prohibiting NBC from doing business with any company or organization connected to Joe Biden or Democrats in any way whatsoever. No appearances with or by Democrats, no interviews with Democrats, no news about Democrats, no advertising by Democrats, no socializing, dining or rubbing elbows with Democrats.
When asked about Trump’s town hall event, press secretary Kayleigh McEnema replied, “The president plans to conduct tonight’s town hall