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performance and efficacy far exceeded our hypothesis, research paradigm and probability curve,” Gauley reported.
“If you haven’t seen two pounds of waste matter, trust me, it’s a lot.” Koeller interjected. “More waste, less water, superior performance. What more could any flusher want? A Trump administration official acquired our report, which infuriated the president because our research proved that reduced water volume was not only viable,
but efficacious.”
Contacted for comment, White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnema said, “Oh puleeze, the planet is 71% water. It’s beautiful, cheap, usable water that we won’t use up in a gazillion years. The president is a very busy man who doesn’t have time to flush the toilet 15 times every time he has to take a (garbled). If the president’s demand for more toilet water is not met, he will unleash (garbled)
like you’ve never seen.”
This story will be updated as new (garbled) becomes available.