Page 14 - DURHAM CITIZEN - AUGUST 4TH 2021

14 durhamcitizen.ca August 4, 2021
“ There are over a million residents currently living with SATIRE

outdated bones that will crack and splinter under the
weight of this Pee N eM collapsing structure.”

Policy experts LEADER of the YOU N CEE, YOU N CEE , ,
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Government they’d like to try S S TEEL , CONCR E TE and GOBAR
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after democracy crumbles under
In a stunning development coming out of Trinidad and Tobago, political leader
this Pee N Em regime of the You N Cee, Rollup U Waste Bissessah issued a stern warning Friday at the
party’s weekly pavement lime outside ‘ First & Last Bar’in Sugaraunas; that
Trinbagonians weak, calcified structures were particularly susceptible to critical
failure, and all residents must reinforce their bones with Dan Steel and
HarriCrete Concrete.
“Starting today, I implore that all men, women, and children line up by every
Urging the nation to get a head start on for the post-democracy Trinidad and
what they described as an inevitable Tobago, ranging from a constitutional community hardware and garden centre to pump up their skeletal systems with
decision, the Unifarcity of the West Indies monarchy to an outright banana republic. columns, beams, and joists made of builder-grade cement, off market steel and
released a statement Tuesday encouraging “Forget about a totalitarian dictatorship; freshly produced gobar,” said the leader, adding that when the opposition party
Trinbagonians to start thinking about what you are in the midst of that presently. How under her failed leadership, gets into power in 2022, residents would no longer
form of government they would like to try about Anarcho-syndicalism? Or, hey, Japan be permitted to enter buildings, traverse bridges, or use any part of T&T’s
after democracy crumbles. “We’re urging did some cool stuff with a shogun back in crumbling infrastructure system unless all 206 bones in their bodies had been
properly inspected, updated, and cleared by professional structural engineers to
this country’s citizens to really put their the day. Nothing saying we can’t have a
withstand over 10,000 tons of force. “Unfortunately, we’ve found that there are
heads together on how they’d like the T&T shogun. There’s also always complete
over a million residents - not counting the Ven Knees - currently living with
country to be governed after the Pee N eM chaos to consider, which would make a lot
outdated bones that, unbeknownst to them, will crack and splinter under the
government ultimately implodes/explodes of sense given that’s where you’re heading.
weight of this Pee N eM collapsing structure. Especially if your spine, skull, and
and leaves a massive power vacuum,” said All we’re saying is that we should get the
ribcage have not been properly reinforced since the ’70s or ’80s, we urge you to
the educational institution’s senior ball rolling on this, because you don’t want
bring them up to code immediately, lest you be crushed to death by this
policymaking expert, Theopholus Tobiass to get caught with your pants down
incompetent government.” At press time, Bissessah added that zero party funds
Timultaneous. In explaining to the whenever the Red House is left a
would be diverted to the efforts, and all surgical reinforcements would have to
country’s 1.5 million residents, Tim ( as he’s smoldering crater.”
come from the broke residents’ pockets. Stay tune for more.
called by his colleagues) said that there “Then again”, he said, “if everything else
were some “really cool” options to consider fails, you could always pursue sharia law”.
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ARIES: (Born between 21st March & 20th April) LIBRA: (Born between 23rd September & 22nd October)
Any situation that involves a group of people could project more If it seems everything is getting on top of you, it is an indication that
commitments into your life than you initially anticipate. This could you need to put your own priorities first. Others will have no
infringe on your time for pleasure and enjoyment. You could feel very problems in pushing for what they desire. It is important to establish
pleased with yourself with any work you put into streamlining regular some slow down time and that you get sufficient rest. It might be the
routines. It could also save you money in some way. only way you can gives matters the consideration they need.
TAURUS: (Born between 21st April & 20th May) SCORPIO: (Born between 23rd October & 21st November)
You could feel overwhelmed with rules and regulations and perhaps Someone else could surprise you in a very nice way, showing that they
not pleased with having to accept a whole new structure in your life in really think about what you like. This can be a welcome change to the
some way. There is the ability to still generate some enjoyment. It will battle you might feel you are having with those that expect so much
more likely be along the lines of something that is very different from and don’t seem to worry about how this can upset what is already a
anything you have experienced in life. structured part of your life. Don’t give up this fight.

GEMINI: (Born between 21st May & 20th June) SAGITTARIUS: (Born between 22nd November & 21st December)
New information could force you to realise that plans you had for the New directions and opportunities can open up for the future. You
future that you thought were rock solid will have to be dropped or must look into this with a very practical approach. The new direction
modified in some way. Don’t let frustration blind you to other might be more about you curbing your generosity and learning to take
possibilities. There is a balanced way to put a different structure in on what is manageable on a daily basis without running yourself
place but it will require some quiet time in contemplation. ragged. This can result in more benefits than you realise.

CANCER: (Born between 21st June & 22nd July) CAPRICORN: (Born between 22nd December & 19th January)
You could see an opening in a situation involving finances between What appeals most is to be able to plan something very different to
yourself and somebody else. It will take inventiveness on your part to normal in the future, which could include travel. The reality is the
present a picture that will satisfy the more practical side that they will financial side of things, which can either be money you owe and have
be looking at. There is also the possibility that they do not fully realise to see to or the fact that others want to spend their money with you,
priorities that are important to you. which means it is your responsibility to oblige.

LEO: (Born between 23rd July & 22nd August) AQUARIUS: (Born between 20th January & 18th February)
The New Moon this week falls into your own sign generating new Don’t let new directions that somebody else decides to take, land a lot
directions on a personal level. You will want to do exactly as you of responsibility upon you. People have to learn from their own
please but other people and responsibilities you have might generate decisions. It would not be responsible of you to inhibit their life
very different circumstances. It won’t hurt to spend some money on lessons by doing too much for them. Take the path with those who are
yourself on something you wouldn’t ordinarily buy. in sync with the independence you prefer.
VIRGO: (Born between 23rd August & 22nd September) PISCES: (Born between 19th February & 20th March)
There can be much to think about that needs some contemplation on There can be details you simply don’t want to deal with even though
your part. This could entail scaling down any situation that infringes you know that this will lead to a new system or set of circumstances
on what you need to manage on a daily basis or any matter that has with a regular routine. In effect, what somebody else is
got out of hand where the level of responsibility is too much. Only communicating to you is to your benefit. You need to be honest about
you can create more freedom in your future. your level of resistance to leaving something from the past behind.