Page 250 - Resources and Support for the Online Educator

Chapter 7: Self-Reflection

✦ To truly open up to the other person, adopt an open
nonverbal-communication style. Avoid crossing your arms
and legs, and sit forward in your chair. Physically demonstrate
that you are “receiving” what the person is saying rather than
waiting for your turn to add something. Adopt a positive
expression, nod, and capture the gestures of the other person
to connect and develop the rapport that is necessary to have a
harmonious conversation.

✦ Remember that it’s not about you. Remove the “noises” of your
ego in your head (judgments and autobiographical dialogue) to
listen as openly as possible.

✦ See yourself as an instrument that pulls the message of the
other person into reality. You can do this by echoing words or
big concepts, or by paraphrasing.

When we converse with others, it’s important that they feel listened to and
understood. In order for them to feel listened to, we can paraphrase them.
Costa and Garmston (2016) explain three different types of paraphrasing to
achieve three different outcomes: (1) to acknowledge feelings and emotions,
(2) to organize ideas and content, and (3) to highlight the main content
to the abstraction level. Think about how it makes you feel when someone
mirrors back your thinking, making your ideas and feelings visible. Para-
phrasing is an incredible listening strategy that teaches us a lot about about
another person in a present and respectful manner.

Coaching questions can also be very handy for exploring and identifying
someone else’s thinking. According to Garmston and Valerie von Frank
(2012), in order to craft effective coaching questions that generate reflec-
tion and creativity (i.e., mediative questions), you need to ensure that those
questions are:

✦ Open-ended: Contrary to closed-ended questions, where
answers are limited to yes or no, or are limited to short and
surface-level responses, open-ended questions offer perspective
to the coachee, allowing him or her to pause and think deeply

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