Page 208 - Grammar for Great Writing B

ACTIVITY 10 Steps to Composing

Read the descriptive paragraph. Then follow the instructions in the 10 steps to edit
the information and composition of this paragraph. Write your revised paragraph on
a separate sheet of paper. Be careful with capitalization and punctuation. Check your
answers with the class.

DESCRIPTIvE PaRagRaPh

Recognizing the Sleep-Deprived

1 People who do not get enough sleep are said to be sleep-deprived. It is easy
2
to identify people who are sleep-deprived by the way they look and the way they

behave. First of all, people who are sleep-deprived always look tired. For example,
3
4
their eyes are usually red or bloodshot, and they often have dark circles under their
eyes. Moreover, instead of the corners of their mouths turning up, the corners tend to
5
droop, which makes them look sad. People who are sleep-deprived are also easy to
6
recognize by the impatient way they behave. While waiting in line, they may tap their
7
feet and mutter, “Come on. I don’t have all day.” People who honk their car horns
8
at the drivers in front of them as soon as the traffic light turns green are likely
sleep-deprived. In meetings, these people tap their pencils on the table and sigh
9
heavily every few minutes. Their struggle to stay awake is obvious. They yawn
10
11
in the middle of important discussions. They put their heads down on their desks
12
when they think no one is looking. They are never without a cup of coffee in one
13
hand and a snack in the other. One keeps them awake, and one gives them energy.
14
15 These characteristics of people with chronic sleep deficiencies all point to one thing:
people do not look or act their best when they do not get enough sleep.

1. In sentence 3, replace people who are sleep-deprived with they to avoid repetition.

2. In sentence 6, change are sleep-deprived again to lack sleep for variety.

3. In sentence 6, the impatient way they behave is awkward. Change it to
their impatient behavior.

4. In sentence 8, replace sleep-deprived with suffering from insufficient sleep
for variety.

198 Unit 14 Writing with Noun Clauses

Copyright 2018 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
Copyright 2018 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.
Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.
Copyright 2018 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
186-199_18606_GGW_SB_B_U14.indd 198 12/14/16 3:07 PM