Page 66 - Grammar for Great Writing B

ACTIVITY 9 Steps to Composing

Read the paragraph from a psychology project proposal. Then follow the directions in the 10 steps to edit
the information and composition of this paragraph. Write your revised paragraph on a separate piece of
paper. Be careful with capitalization and punctuation. Check your answers with the class.

PROCESS PARAGRAPH

Project Proposal
1 For this psychology project, I will copy the change blindness experiment from

chapter 7 in our textbook. The change blindness experiment tests how well people
2
notice changes that happen. For this experiment, I will stand behind the checkout
3
desk in the library and hand out a short library survey and a pencil to students when

they check out books. I will hand them the pencil. I will accidentally drop the pencil.
5
4
6 When I bend down to get the pencil, my partner, who is down behind the desk out of
sight, will stand up and give the pencil to the student while I stay down and out of sight.

7 We will record whether the student noticed the change and whether the student said
anything. The differences between us are going to be very obvious. My partner does
9
8
10
not look like me, and I do not look like him. He is 5 feet 10 inches and has dark brown
hair and a mustache, but I am 5 feet 8 inches with light brown hair and no mustache.
12
11 We will both wear shirts. We predict that many of the students may not realize that
they have interacted with two different people.

1. In sentence 1, change I to my research partner and I, since it is a joint project.

2. In sentence 1, change copy to the more formal word recreate.

3. The phrase the change blindness experiment is repeated in sentences 1 and 2. In sentence 2, replace
it with this experiment because the word this helps connect ideas between sentences..

4. Sentences 4 and 5 are sequential actions. Combine them. Begin with the word when and change the
second pencil to it. Be careful with verbs.

5. In sentence 7, add the introductory clause After the student leaves and a comma to the beginning of
sentence.

6. Sentence 9 is wordy. Rewrite it so that it has only one clause and the phrase each other. Then change
look like to resemble.
7. In sentence 10, replace but with while to emphasize the contrast.

56 Unit 4 Writing about the Future

Copyright 2018 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
Copyright 2018 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.
Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.
Copyright 2018 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
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