Page 105 - Biblical Counseling II-Textbook

Let’s look back on what you learned in Biblical Counseling I. There are eight reminders you can tell
yourself or someone else who feels overcome by fear:

1. Remind yourself that God’s wrath is what should be feared most, but that it has been removed in
Christ (Matt. 10:28, Heb. 2:14-15).
2. Remind yourself that Christ is the good shepherd and is taking care of you (Psalm 23, John 10:11, 14).
3. Remind yourself that you are secure in Christ (Rom. 8:35; Jude 24)
4. Remind yourself that love casts out fear and you are loved by God (1 John 4:17-18).
5. Remind yourself that God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power (2 Tim. 1:7)
6. Remind yourself that Christ faced the temptations of fear but overcame on your behalf and now you
can receive the help you need (Heb. 4:15-16).
7. For those who fear imperfection, remember that you are already perfect in Christ (2 Cor. 5:21, Heb.
12:22-24)
8. Remind yourself that God is in control of all things and is working them together for your good
(Rom. 8:28)

Now that we have spent time on the emotion of fear, let’s move on to anger.

Anger
“Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” Eccl. 7:9

What makes us angry? Sometimes anger is a response to a friend or loved one’s perceived misdeeds,
especially when the person’s act seems willful, unjustified, and avoidable. But small hassles and
blameless annoyances – gross smells, high temperatures, traffic, aches and pains – also have the power
to make us angry (Myers, 2009).

Anger can harm us – chronic hostility is linked to heart disease. How, then, can we rid ourselves of our
anger? When anger fuels physically or verbally aggressive acts we later regret, it becomes harmful.
Anger can lead to prejudice. Angry outbursts that temporarily calm us are dangerous in another way:
they may be reinforcing and therefore habit forming. If stressed managers find they can drain off some
of their tension by yelling at an employee, then the next time they feel irritated and tense they may be
more likely to explode again. Think about it: the next time you are angry you are likely to do whatever
has relieved your anger in the past (Myers, 2009).

What, then, is the best way to handle our anger? Experts offer two suggestions. First, wait. You can
bring down the level of physiological arousal of anger by waiting. “It is true of the body as of arrows,”
noted Carol Tavris, “what goes up must come down. Any emotional arousal will simmer down if you just
wait long enough.” Second, deal with anger in a way that involves neither being angry over every little
annoyance, nor replaying and talking about the things that make you angry. Thinking over and over
inwardly about the causes of your anger serves only to increase it. Calm yourself by exercising, playing
an instrument, singing, praying or talking it through with a friend (Myers, 2009).
Anger does communicate strength and understanding. It can benefit a relationship when it expresses an
issue in ways that promote reconciliation rather than retaliation. Controlled expressions of anger are
more adaptive than either hostile outbursts or pent-up angry feelings. When James Averill asked people
to recall or keep careful records of their experiences with anger, they often recalled reacting assertively
rather than hurtfully. Their anger frequently led them to talk things over with the offender, and then
releasing the anger. Being civil to others means not only keeping silent about trivial (meaningless)

104