Page 106 - Biblical Counseling II-Textbook

irritations but also communicating important ones clearly and assertively. A non-accusing statement of
feeling- perhaps letting one’s housemate know that “I get irritated when the dirty dishes are left for me
to clean up” – can help resolve the conflicts that cause anger (Myers, 2009).

What if someone else’s behavior really hurts you? Research commends the age-old response of
forgiveness. Without letting the offender off the hook or inviting further harm, forgiveness releases
anger and calms the body. To explore the bodily effects of forgiveness, Charlotte Witvliet and her co-
researchers invited college students to recall an incident where someone had hurt them. As the
students mentally rehearsed forgiveness, their negative feelings – and their perspiration, blood
pressure, heart rate, and facial tension – all were lower than when they rehearsed their grudges (Myers,
2009).

Take a look at the chart below. Anger is considered a “secondary emotion.” This means you have a
different reaction first, or there is an emotion below the surface. Let’s use some examples. Imagine a
situation where a friend makes a joke about you in front of a group. Everyone is laughing and you feel
embarrassed. Then you feel angry at your friend. Imagine being stuck in traffic in Lusaka and feeling
stressed. Then a car cuts dangerously in front of you and you get angry. Look at some of the other
emotions in the iceberg and think of situations where you had that emotion before you became angry. If
we can recognize when we have the first emotion, we can learn to think through the situation that is
causing that emotion and avoid becoming angry. Does this make sense?

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