Page 63 - Family Life Student Textbook

Submission means that in matters of disagreement, the wife is to yield to her husband the deciding vote.
She gets a vote; he gets a vote; then he gets the deciding vote.

Submission is freeing because the wife can submit and rest in knowing she is submitting to God. And the
wife with a quiet and gentle spirit trusts God for the outcome.

When Tim and Kathy Keller were deciding on whether to move to New York City so he could plant a church,
he felt they should go, and she did not. They had to make a decision; to not make one would be,
functionally, to make one against. Tim conceded and said, “OK, if you don’t want to go, we won’t go.” Kathy
replied, “Oh no, you don’t! You’re not putting this on me. You have to make the decision and bear the
responsibility.”

What is the right attitude in submission? Let's look at the
“submission continuum”

In the center of this continuum we find our goal which is
“respectful”. Moving away from the center towards the one
extreme is the word “resigned” which means “I just have to
do it.” “Resentful” means that the wife resents her husband's
role of leadership. “Revengeful” makes the husband pay by
taking revenge on him. Moving away from the center toward
the opposite extreme is the word “reactive”, meaning that
the wife reacts emotionally by throwing an emotional fit.
“Resistant” means hard, angry looks that could burn a hole
right through him. “Rebellious” means downright
disobedience and disrespect. As you move toward the right
you are angry, aggressive, and taking the headship away from
your husband. As you move to the left, the wrong attitudes may be more hidden, but they are just as sinful.
Both ends of the spectrum are rebellious and sinful.

Submit to your husband with attitudes and actions of genuine respect.

Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and
the wife must respect her husband.”

Respect means to show genuine regard and treat with honor. Respect must be shown regardless of your
husband's conduct or character. Do not say “I will submit when he is right or when he changes”.

Submit to your husband with a “gentle and quiet spirit”.

1 Peter 3:1–4 “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if
any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the
behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your
beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the
wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the
unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

This passage is not talking about a quiet personality. It is talking about a quiet spirit. “Gentle” means a heart
that accepts God's dealings as good. You cannot have an angry spirit and be “gentle”.

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