Page 66 - Family Life Student Textbook

Study Section 12: Resolving Conflict

12.1 Connect

When I meet a newly marriage couple, one of the first questions I ask them is, “Have you had a fight
yet?” I’ve only met one or two couples who said no. I generally remind such couples with, “Don’t
worry, it will come soon.”

God created marriage to be wonderful, to meet all our needs for fellowship, love and acceptance. But,
because we live in a sinful world, marriage has become hard work. We come into marriage with different
expectations, strengths and weaknesses, and ways of doing things. Because two sinful people are marrying
one another, conflicts will arise. It is inevitable. But conflicts left unresolved will cause disharmony,
disappointment, lack of intimacy and bitterness. How should we deal with conflicts in marriage in order to
constructively resolve them? Let’s learn how…

12.2 Objectives

1. The student should be able to describe how to constructively resolve conflict so that it does not
destroy the unity and intimacy in marriage.

12.3 Couples need to learn how to properly resolve conflict.
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Conflict is common to all marriages. Therefore, the goal of marriage is not to be free of conflict,
but to handle conflict correctly when it occurs. All marriages suffer from various degrees of pain
and anger brought on by a partner's offense.

The choices you make during a conflict will either drive you apart or bind you together.

James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to
listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

For some people, it is common to express anger with hostility and aggression. Others may express anger
with denial, withdrawal, rejection, or suppression.

Why do conflicts occur? They occur because our personal desires or “rights” have been violated or our
expectations have not been met. We have been hurt and we want to be in control or get even.

Although conflict is inevitable in any marriage, it is important to resolve conflicts properly.

Ephesians 4:26 “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry.”

1) Resolving conflict requires a commitment to resolve it.

8 Much of the material in this lesson comes from Dennis Rainey’s “Weekend to Remember” marriage conference booklet.
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