Page 67 - Family Life Student Textbook

This requires a commitment to do what is right, bringing your emotions and actions under control regardless
of how you feel.

James 3:17–18 “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-
loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

This pleases God. It builds an atmosphere which promotes resolution. It communicates to my spouse, “I
want us to have healing in our relationship more than I want us to go on hurting.”

As a couple, agree in advance on the way you will approach the resolution of conflict.

FOCUS ON: RATHER THAN:
One Issue Many issues Oh yes, let me tell you all the mistakes you have
made!
The problem The person I am convinced I married the wrong person!
Behavior Character You are a liar!
Specifics Generalizations You always say mean things to me!
Expression of feelings Judgment of character You always ignore me because you are mean.
“I” statements “You” statements You make me angry!
Observation of facts Judgment of motive You say mean things to me because you hate me.
Mutual understanding Who is winning or losing I’m going to show you I am right!

2) Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation.

Proverbs 25:11–14 “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a ruling rightly given. Like an
earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is the rebuke of a wise judge to a listening
ear. Like a snow-cooled drink at harvest time is a trustworthy messenger to the one
who sends him; he refreshes the spirit of his master. Like clouds and wind without rain
is one who boasts of gifts never given.”

The word “confront” literally means “to stand in front of an issue with someone”. Successful confrontation is
a face to face dialogue between 2 parties, often resulting in a resolution to the problem and an improved
relationship. It does not include hostility, criticism, sarcasm, rage, threats, manipulation, shame, jealousy,
and silence.

Confrontation involves listening to the other person, so we understand them. Be careful not to prejudge the
other person's intentions and motives.

Unskilled confrontation can lead to negative outcomes, as well as additional problems such as emotional
woundedness, a false resolution, uncontrolled outbursts of anger or frustration, relational failure,
aggressiveness, where an individual's rights take precedence over others, and outright bullying.

Approach the conflict resolution by wisely examining yourself.

Galatians 6:1 “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit
should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

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