Page 69 - Family Life Student Textbook

Matthew 18:21–22 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I
forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered,
“I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

“I can’t forgive you” really means, “I’m not ready to forgive you”, or “I won’t forgive you.”

Granting forgiveness is not an automatic cure for the hurt.

What is “granting forgiveness”?

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance
against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

It is a command. It is an attitude of letting go of resentment or a personal desire to get even. It is an action
that must be expressed by your word. It is a choice we make to set our spouse free from a debt or an
offense that has occurred against you. Go to God first and ask him to give you a correct perspective and a
right attitude.

Then go to the person.
Have the attitude that says, “thank you for asking me for forgiveness”.
Be specific in saying what you are forgiving them for. “I forgive you for __________”.
Restore the relationship by saying, “Let’s go on with building our relationship.”

Avoid bitterness and resentment.

Bitterness and resentment occur when one feels they are carrying most of the
weight of the relationship. They tend to keep score with each other. They give
themselves points when they do something nice for their spouse, and they take
away points from their spouse when they feel mistreated. Again, this revolves
around a 50/50 relationship rather than giving a 100% to our spouse.

Men and women keep score differently. Men give themselves huge bonus points for
lots of things like work, fidelity, coming home instead of spending time with friends, and so on. Because of
this he feels justified in coming home and relaxing. But wives give him only one point for those same things.

However, wives are generous because they give one point for many little
things. A wife reacts to any small act of kindness just the same as to the big
ones. She would rather receive 1 rose 12 different times than 12 roses all at
one time. If you give her 1 rose, she will give you one point, and if you give her
12 roses you still get only one point. So, it might be wise to give her one rose
more often.

Surprising her with a date is fine but telling her ahead of time is much better
because she will enjoy the whole process much more. She enjoys the planning
of it more than she enjoys the execution of it. She gives you a point every time
she looks forward to the date. She gives you a point every time she tells her
lady friends about it. She gives you a point every time she realizes her friends’
husbands are not taking them out on dates.

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