Page 17 - Extraterrestrials, Foreign and Domestic

The Cosmic Bore

expense indulged for this project. Production of such a finely-
tuned machine probably devastated the planet’s wealth, according
to the U.N. analysis, leaving very slim chances for Valgus Varus to
remain dear to the hearts and minds of the succeeding generations
of Unogians. The vehicle, once launched, would travel endlessly,
seeking new eyes and ears to impress with the sights and sounds of
Unog’s great moment in history.
When its sensors depleted the possibility of finding a new
audience, it would find a wormhole to carry it away. Astronomers
on Earth could not hazard a guess how many times this leap had
been taken in the life of the spacecraft. It was, of course, possible
that Valgus Varus had lived in the same galaxy as Earth, and that
the obnoxious transmitter had made a virtual beeline toward the
solar system from some relatively nearby location in the Milky
Way.
That point made little difference to the beleaguered populace,
who wanted relief: the boys in the lab coats could argue until
doomsday about wormholes and galaxies. But Valgus Varus, in his
electronic manifestation, would not shut up. The description of his
might and grandeur repeated after five terrestrial hours, with no
indication of a terminus.
Delegates to the General Assembly were locked in debate when
a strange individual presented himself at the door. He was attired
in garments of homespun cloth and shod in handmade sandals. A
few members of the press recognized the petitioner: Woodyard
Kindling, spokesman for the environmentalists—a thorn in the
side of loggers, oil drillers, and urban developers. He had the
stature of an Old Testament prophet, and the beard to match. A
hush fell as he strode to the dais and stood before the rostrum.
“Let us consider,” he boomed, “let us consider the reason this
destructive communications device found us and does not leave us
alone. It found us because we were already babbling to one
another in much the same tones as Valgus Varus: the signals of
our meaningless chatter have announced our willingness to listen
to almost anything, out to a radius of several dozen lightyears. So
we must face the fact that, wittingly or not, we invited this plague
upon us.”

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