Page 10 - The Gluckman Occasional 7

How to Stay in a Bad Mood All Day

1. Start early. Waking up cheerful and positive can have a
lingering effect difficult to overcome. Immediately recall the
unresolved complaints of the previous day if new ones do not
spring to mind with daybreak. Be aware of your body: something
must have gone wrong (or failed to improve) overnight!

2. Be consistent. Mood swings dissipate the concentrated energy
vital to maintaining grumpiness. You can learn the necessary
mindfulness techniques through cognitive behavioral therapy—
but make sure to engage an incompetent therapist certain to
engender even more annoyance and griping.

3. Don’t lose the momentum of negative spin. Succumbing to
the downward pull of grouchiness does not by itself create a
flywheel good for all-day active pessimism: it must be given
occasional slaps and shoves to keep it going at a good clip.

4. Be alert to contrary stimuli. Don’t let any unexpected good
news, windfall profits or even the seamless denouement of
expected positive outcomes derail you. Remind yourself that they
are only temporary outliers in the bell curve of normally awful
consequences.

5. Choose your friends wisely. Do not answer calls from Little
Mary Sunshine or her ilk. And beware of people even more
unpleasant than you are: the perversities of schadenfreude are not
always immediately evident.

6. Avoid self-medication. Unless you can be certain that the
short-term adverse side effects of any so-called happy pills will
not, in your case, more than offset their alleged benefits, leave
them in the bottle. Express your tender emotions in carefully
nursing grudges: they can’t make it on their own without you.

7. Remember: you are the victim. If you have sadistic
tendencies, keep telling yourself that those deserving punishment
will escape it. Masochistic? Then your mantra should be: I hate
myself for loving my hatefulness! Either way, the stasis of
frustration will keep you on the right path.