Page 41 - Unlikely Stories 3

Cyberceutics Deletes Obsessogens with Ping-a-Ding

“You mean this thing actually works?”
“Of course it does! Your studies should have taught you that almost
anything different gives a bounce to treatment: the placebo effect is
also at work, just as the need to believe leads to miracle cures at sacred
sites. But Cyberceutics has another thing going for it: all the
technological trappings conceal a tried-and-true method of autolysis:
guided imagery. It has been used to kill cancer cells and relieve pain.
Each cyberceutical modality leads the user to become aware of his
problem while circling in on it during Ping-a-Ding sessions. What is
not known to the public—and is a trade secret, which I will reveal only
to you as my son and heir—is that the sounds produced by the plug-in
include a subliminal message just below the range of conscious
cognition, reassuring the listener that he or she is in charge, that all
problems are soluble, that he or she is a wonderful person, and so on.
That stuff cannot fail to make you feel better. People just don’t like to
think they’re being brainwashed, even if it’s for their own good and
completely harmless.”
Young Barfuss shook his head in awe. “Dad, you are a piece of
work. How much did you net in the last fiscal year?”
“Since you asked,” said his father proudly, “I’ll tell you: eighteen
million dollars. Now I’ll ask you again: will you stay and keep this goose
laying its golden eggs? Having a Doctor in charge makes all the
difference in the world to a venture like this.”
“I don’t see how I can refuse. But I’ll be honest: I’m my own man,
and I’m part of a different generation. Your business model is
ultimately flawed: it’s too reliant on interdependent parts. I’ve got a few
ideas of my own about how to improve the bottom line and diversify
ahead of downturns in the market. I can prepare a plan in a day or two
to show you: just give me an office and a computer.”
The old Doctor beamed. “Of course, my boy! Every religion gets
changed once its founder is gone. There is certainly room in this house
for a Doctor of economics.”

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