Page 37 - Unlikely Stories 3

Cyberceutics Deletes Obsessogens with Ping-a-Ding

easily. It is important to note that anything new will not make headway
directly challenging the old; the former can appear compatible, even
conciliatory, while it makes the latter irrelevant—intentionally or not.
A significant percentage of scientists are atheists or agnostics, and
probably perceive that progress in their field of study is impeded by
entrenched theology, but they do not organize into a protest movement
and march on Washington! As long as they can get government grants
and university tenure, they will not rock the boat. So it is necessary to
bend with the wind: that is why Cyberceutics LLC is incorporated in
Costa Vendido.”
“I don’t suppose you ever planned to return to the States, did you,
Dad?—not even for medical treatment?”
“Correct.” Old Doctor Barfuss slumped a bit in his chair. “I don’t
think the distress caused by the legal problems I would have faced
could have been offset by any better doctors or hospitals. You should
take a look around Alterado: a lot of millionaires have taken up
residence, and the health facilities are top-notch. The same goes for the
rest of the infrastructure accessible by those with money. Life here is
good. And the señoritas—well, I envy your youth!”
Young Doctor Barfuss grinned. “I see you’re not dead yet!”
“Damn right! But this place can sell itself, if you give it a chance.
And if you’ve just got to engage in hazardous winter sports, you can
find them in a lot of countries other than the U.S.A. At any rate, you
must be tired, and I am rambling. Let me tell you about my venture,
now that I’ve described the market. You will have perceived that my
company’s name is a conflation of the two great engines of innovation
and profit in our time, cybernetics and pharmaceuticals. I cannot
compete with the drug industry, but I can use its symbolism and
prestige to great effect on existing computer networks. The American
government would shut me down if I sold an unlicensed medical
device or made an unsubstantiated claim about a product already used
for other purposes. Thus the three components of my secular religion
came into being, the legitimacy of each enhanced by my—and your—
name: Doctor.”
“First I took a page out of the ‘big pharma’ playbook. You might be
aware that the number of treatable diseases has grown over the past
fifty years in direct proportion to the patentable remedies available to
treat them. In many cases these new drugs had no function until what

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