Page 194 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

whole crazy mess has made me realize I must end my marriage
once and for all. I know it’s what I have to do. Now I just need
to follow through. Hudson and I have decided to put our little
house up for sale. I think we both understand it is time to part
company.
But once I return to Toronto, I remain muddled and weak,
and he is persistent and strong. Once our house is sold, he
moves into the new rental with me. We exist in a new and yet
achingly familiar volatile arrangement for another whole year!
The street we live on is called Warland.
No kidding.
I decide that when the lease is up, I will find an apartment
just for me. But when I do, Hudson moves into that place
too! We are both so co-dependent and seriously messed up. I
do know that at some point, the insanity will have to stop. I
feel like I’m riding on a speeding train. I want off desperately
but jumping might kill me. Where will I land? What if I don’t
survive? Is it actually possible to make it out alive?
A deep longing within me is calling for a fresh start, a
chance to break free from the chains of my current existence.
To emerge into a brighter, more loving life. My heart is open,
my soul is crying out for this new reality. Now if only I could
get my brain and body to cooperate.

Good-Bye April

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